Something Green and Leafy Is Just Over The Fence

Chapter Fifteen

I have a few ideas of how I could actually work towards making this place called home a little more tolerable. But most of them involve matches and kerosene. Just kidding.

Or am I?

The longer I am here the more difficulty I am having in actually liking it here. The people, the politics, the culture, the major issues that seem to be important to people here...I'm not gonna lie: they are not too important to me. I think there are places out there in this world that I could probably thrive in. Maybe. Heaven knows I have been fortunate enough to travel more than my fair share and have seen how lives get lived in different places around the world. And right now I am reading this book that will hopefully help to give me some perspective on ways that I might learn to be happy here - especially if I never get the real opportunity to be happy anywhere else (like 99% of the rest of the world).

I have few good friends: most of them far, far away. If not, then they plan on being away soon. Friends from my past seem to have faded away all but completely. Family? Well, sure. That is important. Take care of your family. Without them, who knows who will help pay for your funeral.

Edmonton is really starting to piss me off. It seems there's always some outrageous thought or stunt or act trying to be pulled off by someone for his or her or its own benefit. The Katz Group? What gives?!?! This city hasn't seen such a dictator calling the shots since Puck dumped Gretz. Envision Edmonton? GET A LIFE!!!! There is a serious lack of cohesion or community resulting from the rampant development that our movers and shakers are all trying to become memorialized for. Rapid above ground LRT routes, Mandel? You're still such a pinhead. And then there's the Edmonton Police Service. You lost the faith of your populace in the year 2000, back when "gangs" were all the rage and we realized that you had No Freaking Clue what you were doing. In the past decade occurences of police brutality have just sky-rocketed in the city. Now the next pig in line to run the EPS is fleeing e-town to work for the RCMP in B.C. - a police body with an even worse record of corruption, bigotry, and using excessive force. The worst part of it is he's taking his wife, Lynda Steele, - one of the most admired (if not attractive) local celebrities, with him. Stupid councillors waste their time bringing Indy car races into the city and approving the use of green light cameras that don't even work. Millions of dollars later, and hundreds of shelter beds remain un-built and tens of thousands of kilometers of roads remain unpaved in the summer or uncleared from snow in the winter. Good job, boys, keep it up! Vote yourselves a raise next week!

Edmonton wasn't the murder capital of Canada in 2010. Only 27 lives taken by the means of another person. An improvement for sure. I hate the idea of living in Windsor though, where they had a grand total of 0 murders last year! To live in Windsor would mean to live in Ontario. And that just won't do. But we'll get back to that in a minute.

Since Zac has left to Vancouver, Gary to Calgary, Andrew (RIP) to Saskatoon, and Dan to...NEW ZEALAND, I have been putting more thought into where I would like to live/start living my own life. I would like to be in a place that can truly embrace the multi-cultural differences that a community is made of. Stop All This Racial Hatred! The disparity in an oil-rich city is despairing. The poor can't get too many $60 Oilers tickets (bottom price) if they begged for them. Hockey teams have highs and lows so I would never move to a place because of their hockey team (unless it was to DisneyLand) and as frustrating as it is to admit: the Oilers will always be my team. And I would like to get away from this roughneck attitude that is becoming ever more redneck and belligerent as the years "progress". I would like to be a part of a culture that takes pride in sustainable living with less diesels and more bicycles. Less BBMs and HDTVs and more canoe trips or "beach & a book" days. I would like to surround myself with people that have some degree of respect for their fellow man, plant, and animal.

Outside of city politics and cultural stereotypes, I find the idea of ever leaving this northern city in this wild west frontier to be a somewhat bitter pill to even think about swallowing. To me, ALBERTA is both a prosperous and pristine place that still has a load of un-marked landscape alongside fully developed social services (that are essential for an aging population especially). From the majestic western peaks to the unharvested coniferous forests to the north, and golden plains everywhere else, this place has some good things going on.

The province's cities (I hate Calgary) bring in most of the big events and a person never has a lack of choices for finding something to do on any given night. It's not like my family on Vancouver Island who only really have the options of: drinking Lucky/Kokanee, playing ball, and getting pregnant (usually 2 of these things go together and result in the 3rd). Although, even the Satanic Surfers played Victoria in 2002... But in my biased opinion, the city of Edmonton has one of the strongest local music scenes - from metal to folk to punk to alternative country to classical to blues. We have it all. And it is all done well. The city also has a ridiculously huge mall, a trendy south side street, 3 "professional" sports teams, and an amazing river valley with parks and trails throughout. Not a bad place at all (especially for a place stuck waaay up here on the 53rd parallel)!

Outside of the city, this whole region can be great (as long as you don't live too close to a sour gas well). The cold dry winters make snow mobiling or cross-country skiing favorite past-times. Pond hockey? "You betcha!" as that hockey mom Sarah Palin would say after fucking every member of the team in her film debut in Not A Big Mystery Alaska. That was actually filmed here in Alberta.

Some of the truly amazing country girls out there are probably what I love about living in Alberta the most. I could even see myself one day riding horses (or cowgirls) one day, living on an acreage, and listening to a little bit of (good) country music. After all, we all come from families of farmers from somewhere down the line, right?! I would like to pretend that I could live the life of a rootin' tootin' hootin' hollerin' COWBOY, if I found that 1 special cowgirl to show me just how it's done. As long as I can get to the next big punk show that comes through town too.

I think that this dry barren wasteland complete with its blue skies and bitter cold can appeal to people that thrive in extremes. I think Alberta can offer some of the best health care service in the country. But I know that the rate of unsustainable growth & urban sprawl is far beyond any responsible long-term prosperity. Breathing the exhaust from endless gas-guzzling pick-up trucks is exhausting too. The arrogance with which the way these chauvinistic sons of bitches drive their stupidly enormous trucks is uncalled for as well. But it is Albertan, and to be expected.

So what to do. Where to go?!?!?! Go where the work is? Fort McMurray? Still doubtful. As good as an environmental engineer's degree is to work towards mitigating problems or risk, the real hope is that the tarsands just stop altogether and we all just work towards something that has less devastating long-term results.

Let's run down the rest real quick:

British Columbia - This place is filled with dope fiends and tree-lover hippies. The government is always in a state of chaos and everyone is taxed to their teeth. Not to mention that the coast will likely be under water in a few years from now...

Saskatchewan - Filled with the hillbilly deluxe. If you thought the English had bad teeth, you ain't seen nothin' yet! Also, this is probably going to be the first place that is attacked by America after they realize that Sask's nuclear power plants are within soldiers' marching distance to Alberta's tar sands.

Manitoba - They have no hockey team but the boys from Propagandhi still call it home and Comeback Kid is a Winnipeg product as well. This city often has one of the highest crime rates in the country, and happens to have one of the largest Native populations in a major urban center also. Oh. And they get flooded every year. Especially with these increasingly-frequent extreme weather events.

Ontario - This is the place that true blue blood Albertans hate the most. It is filled with politicians that screw Albertans over every chance they get. They are egocentric bastards with 2 equally embarrassing hockey teams.

Quebec - The Quebecois want as much to do with Canada as Canada wants to do with Quebec. Sure, they have a few sexy French women. But I think that for the most part, our Albertan cowgirls are 1 hell of a lot funner.

The North? Really? The arctic trails have seen strange tails that would make your blood run cold! So cold. That's if you have any blood left after the moose-sized mosquitoes/horse flies are done with you. But nice in the right season - I think - maybe the Yukon could be a pretty cool place. Once. Between May and August.

The only thing left in alllll of Canada is...The Maritimes! Merry Times? Possibly. They are a very merry people who like to drink a lot of beer. But then again, the degree of racism there is more prevalent (because of the smaller amounts of visual minorities, and smaller populations in general). I had a blast when I was there 6 1/2 years ago, but if the economy is the dumps, then maybe I should just emigrate like Dan and pick some foreign country to just start completely fresh.

I guess I will have to consider some things very carefully over this next short period of time...I sure hope that things work out. Maybe Buettner's Blue Zone book will inspire me. Maybe something (or someone) will inspire me. After all: this world is nothing more than we make of it!

My, My, My - My Edmonton Oilers

Right now I'm listening to the Oilers lose. 4 - 0. In the 2nd Period. This will make about 18 losses in their last 20 games or something. They went one game less than tying their longest LOSE streak ever and for the first time in 30 years have they lost a complete season series to the Frickin' Flames. Well what the heck is a guy to do?! I'm not gonna pretend to have all the answers or know where blame should be placed, but I do have an opinion about where the team has made a few mistakes. It all started more than 30 years ago...

Oil. what a word these days. Everyone hates to love it but needs it so much. Loving to hate it is something that is easier done by those extremist greenpeace environmentalists (yay) or those who have been directly affected by the impact of oil in a negative way. (Although, you can buy your health here in Alberta). Well, thirty years ago nothing was heard in the mainstream culture with regards to global warming or environmental impact of oilsands. How times have changed. If this is what the Oilers' founders anticipated, maybe they would have named our Oil Kings something like the PLANETEERS or something like that! Nowadays, players are told they are going to be sent to Latitude 53° - the Gateway to the North - The City of Champions - The Roughneck Capital of Canada* - OIL COUNTRY - and they think "God, I sure hope the fans are at least passionate about their hockey, cuz the most northern major city in Canada doesn't sound like much fun otherwise". That's assuming you are a hockey player that dislikes Kid Rock anthems after any rare goal that the Oilers happen to score.

So there you are. A (multi-)million dollar athlete. In a place you can't stand being. With one of the oldest rinks in the league and and the least creative if not god-awful Game jerseys that could have ever been conjured. Little do you know, Mr. Hockey Player, that 65% of your live audience isn't paying any attention to you whatsoever, but is rather neck deep in his 4th glass of Eight Dollar Molson Canadian Beer. This is assuming he isn't straddling his girlfriend with his tongue down his throat in hopes of grabbing the attention of the "Cisn Country Smooch Cam" to make it on the jumbo-tron, for all of our most shameless perversions.

These are our fans. Funny thing, those abandoning band wagoners. Even if it wasn't 4 years since this same team made it to the 7th game in the Stanley Cup Finals. We would riot on Whyte with the passion that we had for our players. Back then, we could even attract the likes of Chris Pronger to show up in a real "hockey town". What's happened Mr. Katz? I'll tell you what happened. Cal Nichols and Steve Tambellini saw opportunity to make a quick buck to buy that second or third vacation home. Now, instead of having a well-balanced group of investors in which would decide the direction of the team, one man - a drug-pusher - will make those decisions. Dictatorship. The elusive and quirky, owner Daryl Katz, chooses to make his public announcements via texting?!?! and then have the said text messages not even be true. MacT IS going anywhere. Now, this drughappy oddball is even selling his drug products in baskets in the Oilers Giftshops inside of Rexall Place. Hand sanitizers, bottled water, headpills are a few of the products you could be indulging in when feeling uneasy and/or nauseated halfway through the 2nd Period. All in a neatly packed basket.


I had high hopes going into this season. We had the return of our favourite little twerp-hero, Mike Comrie who was going to redeem himself and prove that he is just not a total waste of space. "AhhhCHU!" That was his barbie doll girlfriend sneezing on him. Hilary Duff didn't like the idea of spending all this time in the Great White North so she decided to make him sick. This way, she could have them doing "couples things" together like him learning tap and dance steps in Radio City Music Hall, from her latest pop hit. It's very true that a woman can put a spell on a guy and he will do anything she wishes, but even so, it's hard to not be disappointed when all that a city wanted was for him to come and try to salvage some of what was once good of the club he represents - not to mention his own reputation.

Speaking of Big Babies. Penner. Last season this dumb jock was simply unwilling to suck it up and perform for a coach that he didn't see eye-to-eye with. How Professional. Then all of a sudden, the dude/douche (<-- can't decide) says he's all reformed and re-dedicated and eating healthier and doing the right things to be mentally into the game this year. Welllllll so much for that. Sure, his stats aren't terrible (45pts in 57g) but he is just one of those guys that you can watch not trying when it doesn't suit him. That reminds me of some of my own teammates back from the good ol' days...

Let's stop ragging on the individual players for a brief moment. The OILERS as a collective unit have had a hard time of it. First off: No H1N1 shot. Well jeepers, boys! Aren't you supposed to be the fittest, healthiest members of society who get paid millions to play a kids game?! With all that money, how do you excuse yourself for living the kind of lifestyle that enables you to get sick? Is it toooo much travel, being stuck waaay up here on the 53rd parallel and having so many 2 to 4 hour flights? Is it the $97,000 New Year's Eve Parties and hangovers that follow?! Not to mention that the H1N1 shot that got everyone in such a huff has stuff in it that informed individuals try to stay away from! But nevertheless you cry about it when your line-up is flu-stricken and missing games but the Flames are set, with Alberta and all of it's Healthcare Wonders. Just quit sharing Comrie's girlfriend. Oops. A bit far? Maybe. But then again, maybe if Pronger could keep it in his pants in this cold, cold climate, then maybe his wife wouldn't force him out of the no-trade clause and in to marriage counselling, and we would all still be seeing a team with at least one defenceman. If none of the above, is it the puke-practices run by your new coach Patty Daddy and him canceling your team break trip of golfing in Palm Springs?

Also, people fail to realize that the Edmonton Oilers organization has established itself as a player development team. The second that an 18 or 20 year old gets signed and prove themself as a player with potential and perhaps have a couple of big seasons, they will bugger off elsewhere. That's why Ryan Smyth was so well liked. He didn't leave. The bigger names that did ever play a season or two with the Oil must have had some pretty good agents to convince them to get out of Dodge before they get old and useless (unlike Staios' agent). On the flip side, skilled players that come in to the organization seem to lose their talent. I suppose when Hemsky's not getting nailed trying to make that pretty pass to our newest (hopeful) goal scorer, say, O'Sullivan, then we don't really have much left in ways of getting any offence generated, regardless of the skilled forwards that have come and gone.

Alright. So let's just pound out a few names here that, regardless of whether you like them or not, would be welcome additions to the team at this stage of the game, if we were able to retain them...

IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER:

Whitney, Dvorak, Torres, Weight, Guerin, Marchant!!, Smith, Arnott, Peca, Sykora, Lupul, Laraque!!!, and even Poti, Roloson & Markannen & Garon... Cujo (nahhh)...

Don't those names sound better than:

Oldman Staios, Dumby Head Moreau, What's Eating Matthew Gilbert, Horrible Horcoff, Hemorrhaging Hemsky, Goofy Grebeshkov, or Lubomir the Lubo'assholio?

I think so...

Lastly, leadership. Ethan Moreau. At the turn of the Century I would have loved an #18 Moreau jersey. He was a gritty checker who would drop the gloves and pound out thunderous mid-ice hits. Now he's old, slow, and doesn't seem to care anymore. Maybe he got sad when Smyth left. I don't know. But he's certainly nowhere near to being what a team needs from a leader. They would be much better off naming O'Sullivan, or better yet: Potulny the captain.

Annnnnd coaching.

Even though Craig MacTavish failed to get his boys into the playoffs 5 out of 8 times, he didn't do it not for want of trying. The years he did get us in always made for an exciting (albeit short) playoffs. And on average his team finished with 87 points over the MacT reign. And one of those times got us the Western Conference Championship. Right now the Oilers have 42 points. On pace for 47. All at the hands of some Eastern Pensioner - Pat Quinn.

Sure, say what you want. "But Pat Quinn's from Edmonton" and "Ohhh I have no more respect for anyone than Pat Quinn." Why? This guy got sent here cuz the price was right and he thought that his old-school ways could redeem this hurtin' team from the wild west. Well, blood's thicker than water, Old Man. And MacT was an Oiler. This homegrown passion and love is the reason why he would try year after year to make his boys win games, even if that meant benching lazy ouffs like Penner. He knew their capabilities and faults better than anyone and coped the best he could given the way the budgets were set up through til the Players Strike.

I think the Oilers would be a lot better off if this Old Man went and retired to Florida (take with Don Cherry with him) and we were rid of the coach that did sooo much for the Toronto Maple Leafs for 7 seasons??! The ultimate failure of Pat Quinn was when he went on the air and was recorded as saying "I've never been this embarrassed". This is your mess, fella. Even more than Katz's or Penner's or anyone's. You signed up to fix us, so quit crying about your circumstances or just shut up and go do some illegal trading with Pocklington in Disneyland.

An organization that is being run as poorly as this doesn't deserve as new arena either, regardless of how old it might be. The Edmonton North East is where the history is and where it needs to remain. Now let's go play some golf.


*Calgary is the Redneck Capital of Canada

p.s. Deslauriers is okay. Give the kid a break. Khabibulin is the disappointment (and 37 year old mistake - isn't Roloson being so old the reason why we wanted to get rid if him??) If I had it my way, we would have kept Mathieu Garon and Jussi Makkannen where I truly believe they both would have had much better luck in subsequent seasons.

p.p.s. I don't understand for the life of me why Rod Phillips won't call Lubomir Visnovsky "Lubo" when he called Boris Mironov "Bobo" for sooo many years!

The Best of Millwoods (Is Better Than What You May Think)

Ch. 62

So many people love to rag on Millwoods. They love to talk about the gangs, the muggings, the street drugs, sexual assaults at transit centers, and the opium busts, which may even lead to the question of what Canadian - Edmontonian - soldiers are doing in Afghanistan. They love to count how many minority groups are within their classrooms and how many white trash rednecks live within walking distance of the Millwoods town center in this place that is often referred to as "ghetto" or "the hood".

But I am here to tell you that this is really truly an amazing community, as communities go. The many minority groups have sooo much to offer and really, it's about time that we start appreciating all of our multi-cultural wonderfulness that really exists within that approximate 40 square kilometers of green spaces, golf courses, schools, dog parks, and even a water park. And as for the "white trash rednecks"? Well, they are not just in Millwoods. Of this, I am certain. Edmonton is falls into the jurisdiction of Northern Alberta, afterall. And really, the schools in the area are held to pretty high standards, as far as I have seen­ª. Not to mention that having schools that taught a different (i.e. better) curriculum is part of our jobs in electing a government with the values that reflect our own. (that's been blogged about already i am sure) Gangs are only of concern if you are in a gang and drug deals are usually done conspiculously enough such that your every day Millwoodsonian will not notice.


But what's so grande about this place I call home besides it having a moderately priced golf course and a mall with an HMV? And really, a much exaggerated reputation for being a bad place? Well I'll tell ya!

For 25 years now, I have been experiencing the grandeur lifestyle in this place called Millwoods. For my first 5 or 6 years, life was golden! Short walks to the local store, playground, or playmates. We would run around shooting water guns or nerf guns at eachother well into any given evening, with absolutely zero fear of being abducted or attacked. Between my ~7th and ~13th years, a lot of time was spent at the Millwoods Recreation Center - a building BUILT by the community. (Not like anywhere else now, where everyone wants new buildings and ask someone else to pay for it!!) In this rec centre, I remember my first jump in the dive tank, swing off the tarzan rope and step I took on the hockey rink. Later on, this rink would become the place where I would score hat tricks against the Millwoods Team in their own building (Go Knights!) and this pool would be where I would show off doing 200m swims in the "advanced" group of students in the high school co-ed gym class. I even remember that sign that said "athletes need fresh air" and the day that the city went "smoke-free" and it wasn't as bad walking through the players entrance to the dressing rooms anymore on the way out from the building. This focal point of Millwoods really brought together the community and allowed young families to let their children to interact and learn from eachother.


The freedoms in Canada are often highlighted in Millwoods, especially with all of its cultural diversity. I must have been about in grade 3 or 4 when I first noticed this. But it wasn't til Junior High til I realized that for me to learn some Tagalog was actually a legitimate possibility. And then only about a few months ago I saw children "playing" with actual sabres/swords/long blades of some sort in a church/temp/e parking lot that was obviously practice for some religious thing. Cool. In Millwoods, a person can where what they want and go where they want wearing that feeling reasonably safe. I just finished watching Mississippi Burning so I guess I am just trying to say that despite all of our short-comings when it comes to acceptance and prejudice - here in Millwoods - you can at least express yourself for the Millwoods Hero you are!!

On another occasion, there was a blackout. It must have lasted about 45 minutes to an hour. The whole community became unplugged from their electronic vices and got plugged right back in to the community. It was sunset and the whole of Millwoods was outside. This is no exaggeration. It was really incredible to see so many dogs for walks and just friendly greetings as people passed by each other.

The stores are pretty great in mdot. For starters, Sobeys has always produced an amazing staff of deli-workers. Namely, Heather & Heather. (although there are others!) Who can ask for anything more?!?! It's tragic, really, but with the JIT servicing & the Big Box Stores & globalization in general, I am finding myself traveling out to the new superstore who actually has much more reasonable prices. When I have to, the MWTC Safeway is actually not the worst thing, because at least then, I can see my favorite security guard in all of Edmonton. You know the guy I'm talking about if you live in millwoods!! But I will always love my Sobeys girls. The 2nd best place to spend money in millwoods is @ the 3 or 4 year old Dairy Queen in 23rd. Although, we have some pretty interesting pubs too...

This summer I hung out at the MWTC parking lot on another occasion. I went to a DRIVE IN!! They were showing the movie Up! so I drove down there with a friend and some snacks and had a pretty good time!! Millwoods has it all!!!

Our elected officials are con artists and I hate all politicians and think they are all corrupt. NEVERTHELESS, my old bus driver, Amarjeet Sohi is doing what he can to represent his electorate. This Millwoods councilor is not afraid to go in front of cameras & actually speak an opinion or idea - whereas David the Fat Ass Thiele - does nothing but sit on his ass & blackberry the shit out of his endless days on the city's payroll whether the council is sitting or not. They both showed up for the Conservative MP, Mike Lake's, pancake breakfast though. Lake represents Millwoods but really, he's just another back-bencher that keeps another seat from another party while desperately trying to use any political clout to bring attention to Autism, which his son happens to have. So yeah! Millwoods!! Pancake Breakfasts!!! Party on!!! Even though, you had to ask the conservative line cooks for a second pancake to be flipped onto your plate. I wonder how many pancakes Thiele ate? More than Benito cuz the PC-MLA was a no-show.

My Edmonton Public Library. What can I even say?? She and I have been going steady now for about 10 years. Before that, we were less frequent sweethearts, but now, our relationship is stronger than ever and I love her so. I can't wait to see her next week. I think she has something there waiting for me. I only ever cheated on her when I was @ Grant MacEwan and snuck around with her sister downtown. Shhh. Don't tell.


The timely release of this blog comes following a recent meeting regarding the fate of Graunke Park (on 50th & 34th). This green space is a hot spot for kids to "have a good time" - use your imagination. So one of the things they are doing now is actually trying to revitalize it. This might include incorporating kids from the area schools to clean it up, 55+ groups to maintain it, and a whole bunch more of us involved community members to have a vision and insight of how to make it better. Maybe next time I will even go to the meeting! As much as I want to travel and see the world and LEAVE EDMONTON for the mean time, I think that some of my time could be invested in helping to shape a part of a community that has truly shaped me over the past quarter century.

The Folk Fest Experience

Alright, I am going to do my best to keep this brief. There was one hell of a lot stuff going on leading up to, and right throughout the folk festival weekend. 90% of which was pretty gosh darn' fun. 5% was pretty indescribably brutal, and the final 5% was just sooo amazing that I can't even begin to describe it.

So what the heck made it so fun, you ask?? I'll tell you what made it one of the best festival experiences ever! A girl named Janet. She's actually a friend of mine's little sister. But the time spent with her was truly fantastic. This girl? She has it all: the looks, the brains, a superb taste in music...

Alright Janet, now that I have you and your sister completely freaked out, please know that I am just kidding. Although, it was a lot of fun drinking with you and seeing you again!

IN ALL SERIOUSNESS though, the festival was great, the company was better. I was exposed to a whole new realm of music that I typically had avoided for most of my days, thinking that it was all "old hippie stoner crap". How wrong was I?!?! The diversity and insane talents between all the acts I saw made this one of the best musical experiences ever. And it was all for free.

Yep, free. The volunteering through 4 frigid (10°C) wet night shifts "securing" the area with Lawrence and Lenore from any delinquents that might want to steal stuff from the hill was quite the price to pay to get in to watch the entire festival for free. But only for one night we had to leave watching Boz Skaggs early, since we had to start gearing up with walkie talkies and flashlights and about 3 or 4... or 5 layers of clothing.

The other nights were all pretty great. It all started off pretty huge with Tracy Chapman and Sarah MacLaughlin. Both were amazing.Some of Sarah's songs have significant meaning to me, as I am sure they do to you too (even if it's from watching a lot of Buffy the Vampire Slayer). Tracy Chapman has such a powerful sound that you just can't help to stare at the screen with your jaw hanging open, completely impressed.

We motored home with 1 night down, 4 more to go. The Thursday was the night we showed up late and ended up missing Steve Earle and only watching about an hour of Boz Scaggs while sitting on a blanket waaay up on the hill before having to volunteer. But Friday was probably the ultimate complete day, where we did everything from watching Neko Case, the Wailers, and Raul Malo on the mainstage, to watching my first ever Loudon Wainwright III concert on one of the smaller stages, to going out to party with the musicians at their hotel early into the morning!! Neko Case was hilarious on stage. Her music was really soothing. Raul Malo got us all dancing, and the Wailers be Jammin' Mon, on the stage on the hill and back at the hotel.

Saturday morning was good. We got back to the hill in pretty good time, but missed the 1st Loudon Wainwright III session. As a result, we crashed most of the afternoon at one stage and chilled to sessions with the Great Lake Swimmers, Kimmie Rhodes, Lynn Miles, David Francey & Dave Swarbick, Danny Michel (soo good), Jill Barber (a really sweet girl/voice - she introduced herself to me and Janet in a shuttle bus the day before), Fred Eaglesmith (a bit of a douchebag), and the last Loudon set.

Time for beer. I met up with Janet and drank as much as I could as fast as I can, then headed out with Janet and listened to Alex Cuba. He sang a song about Janet's big sister. It was kinda weird! Maybe just because I was sooo loaded. The people in the beer gardens we were drinking with liked to call themselves engineers, even though they weren't. I hate it when people do that. But Alex Cuba was great. I definitely recommend you checking out http://www.alexcuba.com.

Saturday night kicked my ass. Patti Griffin, Iron & Wine, and Rodney Crowell were all so unique in their own ways. By the end of Rodney Crowell, the dust bowl we were in was starting to get pretty ridiculous. So for a change of pace, we went for a walk. A long walk. An amazing walk. Allll through the river valley. We wound our way up & down hills, through trees and bushes and stumps and eventually found our way back out to civilization. It was really a great time. And we still had 1 day left.

Sunday was an interesting day. I spent most of it alone. In that respect, it was lousy since we were doing pretty good together for the 1st 4 days or whatever. I guess she decided I could figure out this "folk" music by myself by Day 5. And I did. I found my way to some really amazing concerts and sessions. The Chinese throat singers "Hanggai" was unforgettable, especially when fused with "Cherryholmes". I caught some more Jill Barber, a thorough GLS concert, Hot Tuna banjo music, Chumbawamba, Slaid Cleaves (yodelling), Souljah Fyah, and Chloe Albert. Her set was dreamy. Or else, I was just so tired that I found myself drifting in & out of sleep, soaking up sunshine and sweet music. The other musical highlight of Sunday was watching the CKUA (94.9fm) stage, where I saw Danny Michel, Bela Fleck, and Alex Cuba get interviewed and play their songs. Into the evening, the dust was getting into my nose and it was getting hard to breathe. I could have really used another one of those forest walks, actually, but I suffered through. The main stage acts on Sunday were Steven Page, Bela Fleck, and Toumani Diabate. The other nights were definitely better though.

The People.

Linda Duncan was there at least one night. As was Dr. Craik, and a whole crapload of the old EPCOR crew. I also saw a bunch of "enlightened engineers" - those kids with liberal tendencies, I guess, and were involved with Engineers Without Borders at some point or another. Steve, Jess, Andy, Maggie, Andrea, Mark, are only a few of the people that come to me at the top of my head. Allan, from my 1st "engineering job" was there, and he used to call me a "dumb young punk that should go to folk fest" instead of those other kind of shows. As I mentioned, it was fun hanging out with Janet again, although I am pretty certain she owes me a beer or 2 or equivalent... But ultimately, I am so grateful for us to volunteer those 4 cold nights together and hang out Wednesday through Saturday. It was one hell of an extended weekend. And for the first time ever, I didn't even miss warped tour in calgary one bit. Maybe this means I'm growing up?!

Back to real life.

Clements Hilda Family

Chapter 34.

I attribute a lot of who I am today to the people that I have been around over much of my youth. A lot of kids say they don't remember anything from junior high, maybe aside from the name of their home room teacher. But for whatever reason, I remember a ridiculous amount of stuff from those days. Even Mr Pechanec's S-Car Go! joke. In addition to my high familiarity with my times spent @ St Hilda junior high a mere decade ago, I gained a very good sense of the differences in student-products formed within Holy Trinity High's other 2 main junior high feeder schools: Holy Family & St Clements, through observation of and participation with many of these people through 3 years of high school.

Alternatively, if you were a millwoods "catholic" product but didn't end up going to 1 of these 3 feeder schools, chances are you were either too white or too rich for your own good. As a result, you probably ended up going to (most likely) AOB, Louis St Laurent, or some IB/academia school like Old Scona. This, no doubt, would likely reinforce your parents stereotypes and prejudices of what would be the ultimate way for you to succeed in life.

So let's try & wrap our heads around this. 3 feeder schools, each unique in its own way. Holy Family is recently credited with playing host to the teacher who composed the new HNIC theme song. Historically though, the school had been associated with a creepy-ish young male teacher who really liked teaching his students how to dance. Sketchy. But more importantly, the student-products that came out of this school probably had the largest impact of the person that I would become through high school and onwards. Disregarding the dozen or so total douchebags who thought they were god's saving grace with respect to their: humour, athletic skillz, or supreme intellect, this school produced well-rounded good (and not-so-good) Christians that would go on to have sound values and moderate temperaments. People like Mike, Gerad, Chris, Trevor, Tyler W, and Nick were some of the results of this specific school-machine. Each of them: pretty sound, simple people. Each of them: probably stopped me from being a big pot-head in high school, while still allowing us to all enjoy the dow of the hack. It's kinda a shame I don't have any of them as friends on facebook. In addition, this school also contributed some of the most sought-after women to our high school. Good genes, I suppose.

Next we'll head west and south (yes, demographics has a lot to do with geographics) to St Clement's: Jock School, or working-class suburban stereo-type school. Basically, if you had a dual income earning family and were enrolled in some form of community league sport for more than 3 years in a row, this was the school for you. Its products included the twin boblsed brothers/ NHL failures, the most popular girl from our highschool (~700 facebook friends) (although the Valedictorian was from Family), The Sons and Daughters of Teachers, annnnnd last but not least: The Crescent People. I think this was probably a little less "white" of a school than Family. It had some real issues with crime, including sexual predators after all.

Just Joking.

"Holy Shit! Who IS this guy?!"

The largest credit to this school would probably be The Father-Teacher, K. Whelan, who took the time to teach us kids chess and offered up Tuesday Night Ice Hockey @ the Millwoods Rec Center through July and August. Probably one of the most respected teachers out of the 3 main feeder schools. The crescent-people were a pretty tight church-faring community who all lived within 2 or 3 blocks of each other. They made a large component of the fundraising and parent council board. It was kind of weird, being non-religious going to a religion-based school, but I think for the most part, these families' hearts were in the right place - despite how much shame their sons and daughters would eventually bring to their god-fearing families. Nevertheless, Clements kids were pretty good. The hockey boys mike & paul and that little twerp matthew all had a pretty positive impact on me through my time in high school. "In This Duckpond, Leave Me Be!"

And so we come to the end. St Hilda Junior High School. What an effing gong-show. I had no regrets or sadnesses about my 3 years spent in this would-be green little cement box, although grade 8 was probably the toughest, as I had to start to re-align myself with a less judgemental, more bad-ass crew. This was the most multi-cultural school of the 3, with Tagalog becoming the unofficial 2nd language. Next to Cantonese. Just Kidding! However, in all seriousness, it was in my Grade 9 year that the Zeller's across the street finally closed its doors as it could not keep up with the thievery occurring thanks to 14 year old delinquents from across the street. Dom was even banned from the Mac's for life, but is now an engineer, so I guess he couldn't have been tooo bad a kid, hey? There were worse. This I know for sure. We have a pact and I will never say more than this. This school was lucky to have a cool young pro lacrosse captain (J. Bowen) who would teach phys. ed and sex. ed. This was probably important, cuz as far as I recall, we had some real sluts in that school too. (No names here.) We had fights. We had graffiti, theft, drug use, property damage. No sexual assault like @ Clements (as far as I know) - but we were otherwise a pretty unscrupulous bunch. No wonder I took refuge in the mild-mannered Family crew in high school. I could otherwise be in jail right now!

But right now, I'm bothered. Regardless of how well I might have turned out thanks to the decisions I have made over the past decade, I still have some pretty big issues with what's going on within Millwood's schools. Aside from curriculum even! Or extra-curriculum and the "demanding" life of teachers for that matter! Right now, a rat is running amuck. Someone is setting torch to millwoods schools. Most recently, St Elizabeth, which is adjacent to that school of mine, St Hilda, had one of its cubicles set alight. This is a year or so since the same thing happened to St Richards - my 1st school. And it pisses me off! Sure, I'm all about the anarchy & the rising up against the state! But I think a lot more ground could be made if letters were written alongside the arson attacks, detailing the many ways you are unhappy with the government's education system/curriculum. I mean, really - do we need more products like me (or any of the people that I have just finished writing about) "contributing" to society in the manner in which this "government" "educates" us to do so?! Personally, I think we can ask a lot more from our government. So I would at least like to understand the reasons behind the intentional destruction of all things (like hatred of the Alberta tories, for example), and whether this intention is even the least-bit founded or really not at all. And if it's not, then Just Freakin' Stop It Already!!! Us millwood's products are smarter at finding ways to "act out" than burning down buildings - schools included. Just be complacent, and go along with things for the time being, and when the revolution does finally come? Be ready for it.

Testosterone Makes the World Go 'Round: Chapter 7A - Jock O Rama, Part 2 - My Dear Edmonton Oilers

Haha, what a title. but fuck it - it's MY blog, I'll do what i want with it. Including making this ridiculously long, and a little less focused than I wanted it to be.



Now that the unnecessary swearing is out of the way, here goes...

There were a lot of problems with the Oilers this year. So much so, that they finally decided to fire the coach. We needed a scapegoat after all!

As I have made it known, the salaries for these "heroes" are unfathomable --- HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS. And that's for the shitty players like Gilbert. Get Real. The ultimate reason of Edmonton not making it into the playoffs for the 3rd straight year is the lack of motivation of the players. Having million dollar careers isn't motive enough apparently. The team lacks the leadership, spirit, urgency, guts, determination and commitment to build confidence to get better. The last remaining shreds of these qualities left on my 24th birthday when Ryan Smyth got sent to New York for Nilsson. Yeah, who? (Sure, Nilsson is a pretty good Oiler - but certainly not a leader like Smyth). The Oiler's needed a Ryan Smyth player - a player with grit, emotion...even Michael Peca didn't have Smyth's intensity when he was here... But he's gone, and we're left with Souray, Hemsky, Horcoff, Staios, and Moreau to pick up the slack. Moreau was great as a non-captain: he represented the hardest working oiler that struggled for every inch. But because of his lack of natural ability (Think Weight vs. Marchant in the 90s), he should never have become anything more than an alternate captain. Jason Smith was a defencemen, so that's a little different, since he had a more solid support network of players around him (like Smyth) with the required passion and skill to make them an exciting hockey club, at the very least.

The problems surrounding Oilers hockey, though, aren't embedded in the coaching or the management or even the young unmotivated, leaderless players. I think it's actually entrenched into the Edmonton culture. The city actually shapes itself on having NHL hockey as its #1 focal point, with everything else less important. Way up here on latitude 53, we convince ourselves that we have a culture & class that is simply incommensurable in relation to our Calgarian neighbors. After all, the socioeconomic base in Edmonton is made up of hard-working roughnecks - as opposed to those lazy good for nothing rednecks that live 300km south of us. We don't even attempt comparing ourselves to other major North American or World cities because we are just already so far removed any of them! We are about as significant of a city to some random Russian city, as that same random Russian city is to us!

But despite our best efforts, we still can't retain (or build) our hockey talent. UFAs sell out for the beachtowns or the big cities and the "talent" that we do get will have "difficult" seasons (Lupul, Peca, Stoll...). Edmonton is a stepping-stone, a boot camp, a place for players to get better so that they could peak by the time they can actually get out. A league conspiracy, perhaps? Maybe.

As mentioned, Edmonton goes nuts on trying to promote itself as a city that is absolutely crazy for hockey above anything else, where the players are loved and admired more than Bono or Madonna or Elisha Cuthbert, depending on who you are. But despite all the "oil money" allowing near-sell-outs for 17 thousand seats for 41 games a season, there are some other absolutely ridiculous things associated with our game that the Oilers of the Eighties wouldn't even begin to recognize (i mean, if they weren't all still involved with the organization). Perhaps this new NHL has just made it that much more difficult for players to focus on just loving the game with incredible passion and desire - to just go out there - night after night - and win games.

This blog is called Testosterone Makes the World Go 'Round. And hockey is a very macho, very testosterone-driven game. We cheer when men smash fists into eachother faces (Oh, women's boxing was @ Shaw Convention Center tonight - there's another re-enforcement of some of Edmonton's culture). When we get scored on, we curse and throw things and shake our fists in the air, and when we score, we drink $7.75 Molson Canadian as the foghorn blares and that horrible Kid Rock song gets blared through the PA system (good thing the oilers dont score that much, hey?) When an ex-oiler comes to town, we BOO and heckle mercilessly, regardless of how much that player invested into the city when he was here.

The beer is kind of a big deal. Despite the insane cost of it, it is uncommon to see a fan without 2 glasses in their hands. That's $15.50 of liquid-idiot maker. Per period. True, they stop selling beer after the 2nd, but more often than not, this rule gets flexxed to accommodate the fans - and more sales get made. By the end of it, you will be walking by stacks upon stacks of empty plastic glasses that will make their way into hundreds of plastic bags and eventually into our landfills. You will be walking amongst the most densely packed room of half-intoxicated "people who call themselves fans". The social problems might even outweigh the environmental problems when it comes to alcohol consumption at hockey games. Over the years, I have seen people be thrown out for drunken belligerence - fighting, throwing, screaming - just being plain disruptive. These young males are always incredibly incapacitated at games that I can't help but think what else they could be doing with their money outside of the public arena. I mean, have you no shame??? With a little bit of temperance and maybe a tad bit of reason, this kind of beer money could go a long ways to tackling any of the world's more pressing matters. We're talking serious money here after all!

SO yes, hockey's expensive. That greasy german sausage that will give you a heart attack, the keychains and jerseys that are all made in China, the 5th and 6th glasses of Canadian, The tickets... They charge the prices they do because of the propaganda about how wonderful it is to be able to go & watch hockey games. They say to get your tickets now because later, it will be too late and they'll be sold out. Yet nearly all games will have some 1/2 price singles available, at the very least. Usually you can track a pair of at-cost tickets down if you look hard enough. But when I was @ the San Jose game in March, I was especially frustrated when I found an empty pair of seats to help myself to at the top of the lower bowl (~$100 tickets), and the kids in the row behind me were playing their PSPs!!! Hell, these kids should be in my standing room square! In front of me were two women who were more "into" eachother than anything remotely related to hockey. Hair twirling, shoulder rubbing, and thigh touching continued for half the 1st and all of the 3rd periods. (They were downstairs in the club area, purportedly drinking, through the entire 2nd.) So frivolous spending and drunken ignorance and utter lack of appreciation for where you are. This is Oilerfan culture. It is driven by the monetary system of having the cash available to oneself that will get you the attention or admiration of the people around you. The exorbitant prices are paid by companies and handed out to the spoiled "fans" that go to these games probably won't even know anything about hockey. When this happens, the "team support" is nothing more than ignorant drunken loud retardedness of the people that spent just as much on alcohol as they could since they didn't have to buy the ticket. It really all amounts to a class thing, where those of you snobby or rich enough to drink ridiculous amounts and make asses of yourselves, and getting awkwardly laughed at by the few relatively sober people there about how inappropriate you are. But at least you are getting that attention.

Oh but there's more. Thanks to CISN Country 103.9fm, getting that attention is made into even a bigger deal! "Smooch-cams" have been in place for many years now, where the camera man scans the fans during stoppages of play and puts only cute-looking couples on the jumbotron screen. A sex-craving coliseum of seventeen thousand will CHEER!!!! when the couple finally kisses, since they are after all totally smashed on all the overpriced beer. The wetter the kiss, the louder the cheers. Testosterone makes the world go 'round.

One Last Curious Thing About The NHL that I Wanted to Bring to Your Attention

With a pressing emergence of global warming and ghg emissions, I wonder why pro-hockey is never criticized for its immense carbon footprint. I have never seen a game delayed on account of a late flight either. They always make gametime. They always get paid. I don't know if it was The Amazing Race that made me first think about how hockey teams charter flights to cruise around North America, or if it was all of the flying that is involved with hockey that made me think how ridiculous the Amazing Race really is. Either way, I feel confident that I could still lead a comfortable life knowing that the Oilers would have only 60 regular season games and The Amazing Race was cancelled forever.

I love hockey though. Go Ducks Go!

This Is Hockey!

Ch 54.

It was an amazing end to the season. Since the trade deadline at the end of February, the Edmonton Oilers have gone from being one of the most volatile inconsistent depressing teams in the NHL to watch, to being something reminiscent from a team from about 2 decades ago.

Nobody would have ever seen this one coming. All seemed so hopeless. Injuries plaguing the entire defence, aging veterans feeling the strain of over-exertion & endless expectations of fans & coaches, a forward line that has combined for only 161 goals (the 6th lowest in the Western Conference) so far, and a goaltender that faces about 30% more shots than his team is able to deliver to their opponent on any given night. Nobody would have seen this coming.

But it happened. It was party due to the economy, partly due to the players' changing attitudes, partly due to Daryl Kaatz taking charge, partly due to Bettman being bought out & finally leaving the league.

League-wide salary reduction was the one key factor in which made Edmonton Oilers transform from a farm-team that only ever develops players' skills to the point that they are good enough to be traded away for more affordable draft picks, into the 2009 Stanley Cup Champions. The dissolution of 12 teams and re-invention of the Winnipeg Jets & Quebec Nordiques made the league incredibly more competitive. The season was shortened by 10 games, and it was made sure that from this point forward, every team would play every other team in the league at least twice each season. No-Trade clauses were enforced (even if Chris Pronger was having a hard time not sleeping with his teammates' wives), but not until this happened:

Ryan Smyth came home.

That's right. The heart & soul of the Edmonton Oilers resumed his leadership role as Captain, sending Ethan Moreau back to being the (appropriate) position of fourth liner. The grit & dedication & determination of Smyth to make his home team thrive in this New League was incredibly appreciated and noticed all around the league, such that other former Oiler greats cued up to join him in Kaatz's organization. Amoung these were Doug Weight, Todd Marchant, Michael Peca, and Eric Brewer. Scott Niedermayer couldn't wait to get away from Mickey Mouse & Chris Pronger: One being a an over-sized smelly rodent that goes around smelling like cheese & living in Fantasyland, and the other being Mickey Mouse. This rebuilt Edmonton team allowed them to annihilate every other team in the league for the last 25 games of the 2009 season. Sheldon Souray was the team's points leader, with 32 assists to Horcoff and 26 to Hemsky at the end of the season.

By having the total team salary cap halved to $25M, players realized that in addition to their materialistic and over-consumeristic ways, their "hollywood days" were finally over. They were going to start to have to playing for the love of the game, just as the Oilers of the 80s did so well. All other pro-sports have yet to understand the implications of this unbelievable over-compensation of our favorite jocks, especially since none other are so physically tolling as hockey is! Yet, despite any abuse on the body, hockey players still understood that these were the necessary steps to take in order to promote the game & make it better. They would only have to get used to having their wives buying the no-name BBQ sauce for a change.

Gretzky cried. Again. Not because he knew his wife was going to be bored commuting between her mansion in that new Windermere development in Edmonton, WEM, and the River Cree Casino, and not because he was about to leave +30°C year round temperatures where there was nothing to do but coach & golf, but because he couldn't make hockey - the only real game - a go of it in the middle of a desert. It was really kind of sad, but after him hearing that Winnipeg was going to become the home of the Coyotes, he was absolutely gleeful & could only offer up the suggestion that the team be renamed "The Prairie Wolves". (since the desert isn't really the prairies)

You see, Wayne Gretzky was incredibly happy to be asked by Daryl Kaatz to become head coach of the Edmonton Oilers and couldn't wait to return with his boys in the Blue & Bronze/(orange) and destroy those desert dogs back in Winnipeg who played with about the same amount of intensity as they did when they were on the golf course.

Todd Bertuzzi & Sean Avery have been spending their spring/summer together in some of Toronto's finest private golf clubs aswell, since Toronto was the only team that would have them; and the players had to donate a large portion of their salaries to local sports charities for kids.For whatever reason, noone wanted to ever play golf with either of them! oh wellll...

But it was playoffs that was the most fun. The Oilers crushed Vancouver in 4 games the first round, Winnipeg Prairie Wolves were swept too, and the Calgary flames were not only swept, but shut out the entire series. In the end, the Edmonton Oilers won the Stanley Cup in 5 games over the Montreal Canadiens, only because in 1 game, Roloson played Left Wing.

- The Changed Rules -

In order to make the NHL better, these rules were incorporated into the league:

- No Touch Icing
- No more Delay of Game penalties for simply clearing the puck from your own end over the boards
- Smaller elbow pads
- Mandatory visors
- Less stick infraction penalties --- let the players skate through hooks, trips
- Goalies can make contact anywhere.
- 16oz glass of Molson Canadian : $5.

Bad Habit: A Lesson on Driving Etiquette

Don't race the car next to you when waiting at a red light. You will only end up right next to them 2 blocks later. Don't start breaking for stop signs and red lights 3 meters before the stop line. Stop at stop signs - don't just slow down & keep going. Don't stop 3 feet into the crosswalk. If you see the Flashing Hand, don't step on it. Speeding up through intersections is not a good idea. Especially when there's a crosswalk in front of St. Richard's School or the University Hospital. Don't enter the far lane while making a turn. Make the turn then signal to get over. Signal. Always. That means put the damn' phone down. That includes texting. Don't tailgate and don't cut people off. That's just rude. Don't cross solid white lines in order to get to the turning lane a few seconds faster. Your time is not that important. Don't block intersections. Don't enter lanes when you know that the person in that lane is speeding so fast that they will have to RAM on the breaks to stop from hitting you. Enter the lane after they pass. Don't drive 80 when the speed limit's 50. Don't drive 140 when the speed limit's 100. Don't drive with your brights on in the middle of the city. It's not the least bit necessary. Don't let your 16 year old drive a 40 thousand dollar truck. Don't get into fits of rage about the redneck truck driver asshole that wouldn't ever read this blog. Don't drink & drive. I am pretty sure that after 2 drinks, 90% of people would be safer to Not Drive. Drive as little as possible. And when you do, don't kill animals. Don't kill people. Don't get killed. I like you.

Hey man you know I'm really okay

The gun in my hand will tell you the same

But when I'm in my car

Don't give me no crap

Cause the slightest thing

and I just might

snap

When I go driving I stay in my lane

But getting cut off makes me insane

I open the glove box

Reach inside

I'm gonna wreck this fuckers ride tonight

I guess I got a bad habit

Of blowin' away

Yeah I got a bad habit

And it aint goin away

Well they say the road's a dangerous place

If you flip me off

I'm the danger you'll face

You drive on my ass

Your foot's on the gas

And your next breath is your last

Drivers are rude

Such attitudes

But when I show my piece

Complaints cease

Somethings odd

I feel like I'm god

finish it yourself.

Barely Breathing

Barely Breathing (Ch. 48)

Air. 78% Nitrogen, 21% Oxygen, 1% Argon. Anything else (like CO2) amounts to less than 1% of its total composition. At sea level, the whole combination amounts to only 1.2 kg/m³. That would be the same as your 1 liter jug of chocolate milk in the fridge only weighing 1.2 grams. How come that sometimes then, this very substance which is responsible for so much of life, so much of the volume of our planet above the surface of the earth and the oceans, feels like it is just crushing us?

Before any industrialization the air must have been something like "a little breath of Heaven" as Philadelphia Cream Cheese is like "a little taste of Heaven". I wonder if its density was lower before it got just so packed with particulate and stench? But without going into too much depth about air pollution, heavy industry, and all that wonderful stuff, let me just ask you: I am the only one that feels like this air you and I breathe is just incredibly stifling?

It doesn't matter if I am in a cool, temperature controlled room with the fan humming steadily next to the open window or in a large auditorium at the U of A (with heated door handles) with 150 keen students breathing a deathly stagnant air -- exhaling excessively in their excited chatter with eachother. It doesn't matter if I am walking across Northland's pavement while at Capital Ex in July breathing 30°C dry, greasy, sweaty air or walking through the same parking lot in February through miles and miles of cars emitting upwards of 20 mL of exhaust every minute* on my way home from an Oiler's game. It's just so hard to breath sometimes.

Smoking.

In my hockey days there were signs everywhere in the rinks that read "Athlete's need clean air" to deter parents from smoking in the rinks. Yet now, on that same walk back to the car (whether it be after an Oiler's game or a KC Knights game), the second that the door of the building is breached, the lungs are breached too. I can feel it killing me with every breath. Just as it has killed at least one person you have loved as well. Now with smoking gone from restaurants, bars, and bingo halls, kids aren't exposed to any smoke hardly ever at all unless by choice/parents, and I can breathe at least a little bit easier now that I know that this kind of poison is being at least somewhat mitigated.

When I am in the lumber yard at 1 of my 2 jobs, I think a lot about the role I am playing in pulp mills destroying forests faster than they would be if I wasn't there. I spend too much time thinking about how wonderful Banff and Jasper are, with its fresh mountan pine air and the (moderately/minimally) controlled development and expanse of these towns. I am baffled by the amount of trucks that idle in the waiting line and continue to idle while loading. Why not just flick the wrist and turn the effing engine off?? Ignorant Rednecks. I look at the young uneducated, unmotivated labour force with me there in the yard that don't seem to have a hard time breathing at all, as they head out for their smoke break. I think about the gas I am burning to get me to this second job, as well as how stupid and pathetic the Edmonton Transit System is if a more motivated/ money savvy person wanted to breathe easier while relaxing on the bus to at least 1 of their 2 jobs instead of having the stress and expense of driving Edmonton's dangerous roads.

So I attribute my inability to enjoy breathing anymore to my having a conscience. I have this stupid sense of caring about what the world is going to be like in 20 years and in 50 years. I spend too much time following stupid policies that affect Big Industry and Foreign Exploitation and have resigned myself to the fact that immediate and drastic action needs to be taken, for the sake of my ability to breathe, if not for the sake of our world. A sense of hopelessness cannot help but be felt when a person considers the net effects of urbanization & population growth, the industrialization of China, oil depletion, and the water crisis. If you think that global warming, oil depletion, and species' dying is just a bunch of hype made for the sake of fear mongering by a bunch of hippies, then I suppose we have bigger issues to deal with first. Otherwise, I personally don't know how you could have such an easy time breathing and I wish for you to show me how.

But aside from the stresses of the world - even if the difficulty you have breathing is a result of tension at home, school, or the office - I hope that you can find in your heart a way to acknowledge some of the biggest problems that we face as human beings. It really will be like Mordor again one day, especially if we get that next big drought, where we won't even have the freshness of spring showers to look forward to anymore.

Will you be my Frodo Baggins?

*for example: it takes a person 10 minutes to travel 2 km out of a parking lot (=12km/hr) and a fuel efficiency of 9L/100km (=18mL/min) and most cars on the roads won't get that kind of fuel efficiency.

Windsor Car Park

Last Friday I went to the Oil Kings game. These kids are all about 4 or 5 years younger than me, which makes me feel old and useless. It also makes me realllllllly want to play hockey again. Even though I am *ahem* a little out of shape.

This game wasn't over until after 10 on a Friday night. Like, way to cut into my Friday Night Without Borders, right?! In addition, I didn't get out of work til over an hour past my quittin' time. Long day. But I had to hurry up cuz of it being the season opener and a 7 o'clock start time n'all! I've also had a contractor causing hella lot of stress @ home lately, which had contributed to my feeling a little under the weather. But I got there. I took the train using my illegitimate bus pass, as I have done in order to travel about 5 blocks to school for these past 3 weeks. You see, I had my previous 2 bus stickers on my last OneCard, rather than the new one.

After a 5-1 defeat, we traced our footsteps back to the train station. That's when it happened.

A fat, belligerent, ignorant, disgusting, retarded, fat, miserable transit guard looked at my illegitimate bus pass and says "sorry, you can't use this". I don't respond to transit giving me a hard time after giving the ETS 12 years of service very kindly.

This "man" was adamant that 'Thou Shall Not Pass'! So I let him have it. I said many bad things. Things that children usually don't hear until at least grade 4 at recess (which is probably more like Age 4 in the year 2008). This guy was not getting my $2.50. This city was not getting my money.

Eventually I walked away saying that I will just go ahead and take the bus, since 80% of bus driver's don't even say anything when I show them my library card anyways. This wasn't a real solution since it would take about 2 and a half hours to get from the coliseum to millwoods on the 8. So rather, I walked just around the corner (in a huff) and ...

...kicked the wall.

damn.

It didn't even hurt at first. The blood pulsating through my head was out-pumping the blood pulsating through my Big Toe. After a few minutes of trying not to cry, I returned back to a second ETS money guard. I explained the situation how I was in fact a legitimate student and haven't had the chance to get down to get a new bus sticker. (I needed a new One Card after all, since I am finally graduating!) He explained to me (through deaf ears) how the city loses $3M per year in lost bus fare. Bull. It's a service. It is FOR the people. It is a system designed to lose some money for the sake of taking care of its users that are so dependent on it. It is discretionary and subjective. It is reasonable. He went on to say how in This "city" called Edmonton, bus driver's are not required to do a lot of things, which in effect summed up to being DECENT human beings. But we already know all this.

After having to let him "do his job", I suppose, he handed me a little piece of paper. A bus transfer. Decent. Subjective. Reasonable.

6 days later, I am still hobbling around, with that 2 and a half bucks still in my pocket, and a nice pink bus sticker on my shiny new OneCard.

Oh right. Windsor car park. This whole story actually has a lot more to do with the kinds of people that make up our society, our work force. Well, on Tuesday I missed classes in the morning since I was feeling even worse. I did go for x-rays on Monday morning, but am pretty sure that I was beyond repair (as I am in soooo many other ways) So Tuesday I role around to Windsor Car Park at about 10:45 ready to carry on with my day. (I wasn't going to take the bus from farther away like I usually do, given my new handicap). $10. To park! In another 15 minutes, it would be only $5. So I said to the guy that I will be back, and went and waited in my car around the corner and read a book. At about 11:03 I pulled back up to the gate at Windsor Car Park. "FULL". Yeah, full of shit! I said (nearly as angrily as I talked to the first ETS guy) that I would turn around, but instead drove in and found a spot pretty close to the door since someone just happened to be leaving. Parking Dude wasn't impressed. When I got to the gate he said he would charge me 50 dollars and get the parking security to take me away if I "wasn't walking like that". I said "how bout 5", tossed it on his counter and hobbled away. He also said something about keeping so many spots on reserve for passholders. Bull. More like, if they can't force people to park before 11am and pay $10, they would rather see the lot sit empty than let someone in for only $5.

Needless to say, I will not be parking at Windsor Car Park again any time soon.