July 7, 2008

Testosterone Makes the World Go 'Round - Part 1: Redneck Belligerence on the Roadways

Ch. 7

Efrem schulz's dad came up with a lot of his band's (death by stereo's) song titles. most of them really kick ass such as:

bet against me, you lose
i wouldn't piss in your ear if your brain was on fire
a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest
holding 60 dollars on a burning bridge
emo holocaust
you can lead a man to reason, but you can't make him think
porno, sex, drugs, lies, money, and your local government
highschool was like boot camp for a desk job

and you guessed it:

testosterone makes the world go 'round
(get downloading)
Well guess what? it does. without it, the world would simply stop. well, it would be very VERY different, to say the least. for starters, i would like to suggest the following equation for an n number of pickup 4X4 trucks:

{Testosterone + n*(4 X 4) - a single shred of ( decency and respect for the law AND respect for others )} = 95% of the ignorant pig-headed and arrogant trucks on the road, t=0 to infinity

Why is this the case? Who do these men seriously think they are? These drivers are less than men. They are obviously sooo self-absorbed that they feel that they can drive how they want whenever they want wherever they want. What's more is that when not driving like a batouttahell, trucks can be found poorly parked in parking lots. If you are That Big and can't figure out how to park then get a new car or stay at home.

A few weeks ago, a story on global news reported that 87% of male drivers show aggressive tendencies on the roadways. (This is why I am relating back to men, not women - though some women in these big-ass trucks are just as guilty) 87% !!!! I don't know where they get there stats from, but my 95% figure is definately more representative.

A large part of the reasons behind why men drive their trucks like this is likely very deep-rooted: They are either proclaiming their authority through engine power over us lesser humans, they are showing off to their pretty lil' woman sitting next to them in the cab, hoping that revving the engine a bit more will earn him some tail later, or lastly he is compensating for something else and must speed, weave, tail, intimidate, pass immediately after making a turn, cross solid white lines...the list goes on, to make up for it.

So I race. I hope I don't die. I do what I can to get ahead of a big truck in my little Rio then slow right down to the speed limit. If I see him trying to pass, maybe I will change lanes so he can't. The Henday has become a dangerous place for me, and I know I had better stop letting this get to me. I mean, MADD has had little impact over the past 20 years because driver's attitudes have not changed enough. Well if a drinker's attitude is that hard to change, then how hard must it be to change the attitude of a redneck! (Not to say that the 2 are mutually exclusive).

One of the most intense things I've ever been involved with a truck for was simply walking my dog just down the street by my house. It was well over a year ago but I will never forget how after this asshole pulled out and in front of me while I was in the middle of crossing a relatively small intersection. I chased after him about 3 steps and WHACKED the side of his truck with my fist and shouted "Haven't you ever heard of pedestrian right-of-way!?" Ohhh I was mad. His window was down so he saw and looked at me, then sped off. The thing that worried me the most was having Cosmo with me because, well dogs are dogs, they don't know how idiots don't pay attention to pedestrians crossing at an intersection!

More recently, I was in a situation where I was about to change lanes. Shoulder check, signal, shoulder check, proceed. But somewhere between the second shoulder check and the proceeding part, some half-tonne came blazing out of nowhere - I had to swerve back towards my own lane and just carry on. After a while, I caught up to the guy that flew by me. He sees me coming so pretends to weave into my lane to get even for the scare I suppose I gave him. For some reason though, I think that a half-tonne would have less damage done to it travelling at 140kmh than my little car putzing down the Henday @ maybe 118.

Just tonight on my way home from The Dark Knight, I saw a multi-car collision including a Silverado. The other car was totalled. I wonder who was at fault? (not really). The damage that is caused by trucks is unnecessary. Lives could be saved.

Trucks are incredibly less fuel efficient than sedans, resulting in more emissions to be discharged per distance travelled. They are loud, diesel exhaust can be very irritating to some, and the arrogance that truck driver's carry truly makes me want to...rant in my blog.


I haven't been driving very long, but I am a huge fans of those out there that can do what they love to do without being dependent on a vehicle. They are costly and they are hazardous when not used cautiously. And even when YOU use caution, it's always gonna be the other guy that get's ya. If you haven't minded not hauling stuff for the past few years, maybe you can hold off and not get that truck and count on someone else to haul your stuff for a few more years. Just a concept.

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