May 1, 2010

5 Simple Rules for Writing A Propagandhi Song (and becoming at least mildly successful).

1 - First and foremost, be sure to have excessive (but always appropriate) use of the F-word throughout each of the songs, even if it is at the end of the song and there is nothing left to do but just add a loud unadulterated and raw "F&#$!!!!".

2 - A healthy dose of satire is essential to a successful Propagandhi song. Denouncing anything corporate or industrial with plenty of ridicule and judgment is always a good bet.

3 - Try to come across as a passionate humanitarian that really "gets it" by writing songs that speak to local, regional, national, and international issues. Re-enforce this Global Citizen persona by listing non-fiction books about genocide or planetary destruction on your website and album sleeves, along with lists of web addresses for the wee teenies to check out with their newest i-phones. A few dystopian quotes from famous dead people may also help your cause. Better yet? Incorporate these quotes right into your songs.

4 - Come up with a reason (as reasonable as this reason may very well be) to become an expatriot. Re-think today's Canadian Values (of greed and pirateering) and compare them to values in other countries around the world. After a brief glimpse at this website I can tell you that the things on Canadians minds most of the times these days are sex-related, and although sex-related crimes and topics are totally heinous, remember that these problems are stemmed from a much deeper roots in the ways that we are raising our children and conforming to so much of the pop-culture bullshit that bombards us everywhere we go.

Canadians need to get a better idea of what there is to be so "nationalist" about, aside from the Winter Olympics, and a national sport where over-paid dumb jocks spend half of their season playing for 1 of 24 American-Based teams in their home arenas, while the 6 remaining Canadian teams spend any of their "off time" golfing in Phoenix or holidaying in Barcelona (when you miss playoffs especially). Aside from sport? I guess we have Celine Dion. Wait. Isn't she in Vegas? Shania? Switzerland? Bryan Adams?!?! Oh right! Justin Rutledge annnnnnd Propagandhi. Good bands. Hmmm...what else do we have... Healthcare. And the rocky mountains. Some of the Canadian landscape is pretty damn' terrific when we're not busy fucking it up.

5 - Never sell out and keep the songs for the kids and not for the labels to make a killing. So many times a label will tell you what to write and how to write it. Case in point: AFI was on Nitro til 2003 and have had pretty weird albums ever since then. I don't think Propagandhi will ever sell out.

Other Useful Tips For Writing a Propagandhi Song

I - Make sure the title of the song is sufficiently long like these classics:

"War Is Peace, Slavery Is Freedom, May All Your Interventions Be Humanitarian"
"Ordinary People Do Fucked-Up Things When Fucked up Things Become Ordinary"
"Stick the Fucking Flag Up Your Goddamn Ass, You Sonofabitch"

II - Use the words:

misery, love, indifference, poverty, suffering, disparity, repress, devastating, catastrophe, Jesus, church, FUCK, meat, machine, homophobe, capitalist, tragedy, solution.

III - Allow:
  • 5-10% of the song to be filled with incomprehensible rage-filled fits of screaming
  • 10-15% of the song to be filled with mad guitar shredding
  • Allow room to be effing hilarious (not just over-the-top blasphemy/hyperbole/satire) when after all this song may very well reflect real fucking life more than you can ever imagine.

Now, click this and read:

We were all together in the pouring rain!
Solvents being passed around to dull the pain!
The air was choked with the dismal smell!
The reek of sadness and despair!
Minds fucked up beyond repair!

She said she just turned six.
She’s got some good jokes for a kid.
She’s working hard to avoid a woman bleeding from her teeth.
Her life goes on despite the fact
her mom sleeps fucked up on the cement.

She flashed a look, an image burnt into my mind!
I know that sinking feeling all too fucking well!
Shame! Frustration setting in!
Confusion that eats us inside out.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me!
I don’t know why she can’t wake up!”
Her life goes on despite the fact
Her mom lays fucked up on the cement.

It’s an ugly fucking world!

the incalculable effects have been calculated to you here today by the one and only:

Ch. 69

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