August 2, 2007

A Typical Redneck Lunch at EPCOR

Today at work we ate outside.

After a prolonged discussion about farmlife and animal torture between about 5 or 6 engineers and operators, I proclaimed myself to my colleagues as "the sheltered urban boy". Given that the average age of old farts discussing their childhoods of burning stuff down and blowing things up was about 63, I can confidently say that times have changed. Also what kids like myself could get pre-occuopied with - especially if raised in the burbs in the 80's and 90's - was a lot different than what kids got up to on the farm in the 50's and 60's.

Some of the things-to-do-for-fun-when-growing-up-on-the-farm that were discussed today at lunch included killing bugs. Wasps, ants, spiders and the likes. These I could compare to, cuz well, torturing bugs is pretty common stuff for boys (oh and girls too now, to be politically correct and gender neutral) THEN the conversation proceeded to tom cats. Shirley pipes up: "They make great range target practice" (and holds arms up as if to be shooting a long barrel). Dave counters: "No way... when we had an unexpected litter of kittens, we would just attach the bag uv 'em to the tail pipe of the ol' '62 Ford and REV it!" My boss chuckles. Then he goes on about how his cousins were so INNOVATIVE in how they were able to "make all sorts of things out of their innards - musical intruments, other toys, whatever!" An operator speaks up: "Oh we had a chicken coop with chickens that had no meat on'm to cook for eatin' and they didn't lay eggs no more. I just shut all the doors and windows on the coop, backed up my truck and stepped on the accelerator til they all turned PURPLE!" He then says how afterwards he went to go pick em up and one "came back from the dead"and scared the shit out of him". So what did he do? Backed up the pickup truck 1 more time. They were talking about how gross it is to pluck and clean chickens and holding them down in boiling water without their heads chopped off.

Dave, in the meanwhile, thinks of this time when they went and castrated a cat. They had to do this cuz apparently it was killing other kittens in order to be the dominant male that could get ALL the sex. (This sounds similar to another post I wrote about regarding what extent sex-crazed animals will go to) So, to castrate a cat, apparently you need a knife, a rubber boot, 2 men, and a cat. The key part was to stuff the head of the cat into the heal of the rubber boot and the one guy will hold the rear legs up while the other guy does the unspeakable.

Well that is about all for now that I can think of. I know there is more and if I think of it I will try to sicken you even more by posting it.

Oh, and as a punishment for enjoying this lunchtime discussion so much, I was rewarded with a wasp bite on the back of my neck as soon as I got back to the office.

No wonder we are so ignorant, de-sensitized, shameless, crude, and closed-minded when it comes to liberalism here in Alberta. Just look at our history.


  1. Yay new posts. But yeah that is gross. My grandpa grew up on a farm (in Lithuania though) and he thinks it is perfectly fine to pick rabbits up by their ears.

    Anyways this province is run by rednecks and if they are willing to do this stuff to animals then theres no telling what they are willing to do to people they don't like.

  2. the province will likely fence them in like caged animals (wait...tent city exists already...) and when the weather drops in october/november, they will do nothing more than ship them out to bc and tell them to not come back. (like what klein did back in 94). ALTERNATIVELY, they will just, as you say, butcher the poorlike chickens. "kill, kill, kill, kill, KILL THE POOR" -dead kennedys