July 7, 2008

Testosterone Makes the World Go 'Round - Part 1: Redneck Belligerence on the Roadways

Ch. 7

Efrem schulz's dad came up with a lot of his band's (death by stereo's) song titles. most of them really kick ass such as:

bet against me, you lose
i wouldn't piss in your ear if your brain was on fire
a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest
holding 60 dollars on a burning bridge
emo holocaust
you can lead a man to reason, but you can't make him think
porno, sex, drugs, lies, money, and your local government
highschool was like boot camp for a desk job

and you guessed it:

testosterone makes the world go 'round
(get downloading)
Well guess what? it does. without it, the world would simply stop. well, it would be very VERY different, to say the least. for starters, i would like to suggest the following equation for an n number of pickup 4X4 trucks:

{Testosterone + n*(4 X 4) - a single shred of ( decency and respect for the law AND respect for others )} = 95% of the ignorant pig-headed and arrogant trucks on the road, t=0 to infinity

Why is this the case? Who do these men seriously think they are? These drivers are less than men. They are obviously sooo self-absorbed that they feel that they can drive how they want whenever they want wherever they want. What's more is that when not driving like a batouttahell, trucks can be found poorly parked in parking lots. If you are That Big and can't figure out how to park then get a new car or stay at home.

A few weeks ago, a story on global news reported that 87% of male drivers show aggressive tendencies on the roadways. (This is why I am relating back to men, not women - though some women in these big-ass trucks are just as guilty) 87% !!!! I don't know where they get there stats from, but my 95% figure is definately more representative.

A large part of the reasons behind why men drive their trucks like this is likely very deep-rooted: They are either proclaiming their authority through engine power over us lesser humans, they are showing off to their pretty lil' woman sitting next to them in the cab, hoping that revving the engine a bit more will earn him some tail later, or lastly he is compensating for something else and must speed, weave, tail, intimidate, pass immediately after making a turn, cross solid white lines...the list goes on, to make up for it.

So I race. I hope I don't die. I do what I can to get ahead of a big truck in my little Rio then slow right down to the speed limit. If I see him trying to pass, maybe I will change lanes so he can't. The Henday has become a dangerous place for me, and I know I had better stop letting this get to me. I mean, MADD has had little impact over the past 20 years because driver's attitudes have not changed enough. Well if a drinker's attitude is that hard to change, then how hard must it be to change the attitude of a redneck! (Not to say that the 2 are mutually exclusive).

One of the most intense things I've ever been involved with a truck for was simply walking my dog just down the street by my house. It was well over a year ago but I will never forget how after this asshole pulled out and in front of me while I was in the middle of crossing a relatively small intersection. I chased after him about 3 steps and WHACKED the side of his truck with my fist and shouted "Haven't you ever heard of pedestrian right-of-way!?" Ohhh I was mad. His window was down so he saw and looked at me, then sped off. The thing that worried me the most was having Cosmo with me because, well dogs are dogs, they don't know how idiots don't pay attention to pedestrians crossing at an intersection!

More recently, I was in a situation where I was about to change lanes. Shoulder check, signal, shoulder check, proceed. But somewhere between the second shoulder check and the proceeding part, some half-tonne came blazing out of nowhere - I had to swerve back towards my own lane and just carry on. After a while, I caught up to the guy that flew by me. He sees me coming so pretends to weave into my lane to get even for the scare I suppose I gave him. For some reason though, I think that a half-tonne would have less damage done to it travelling at 140kmh than my little car putzing down the Henday @ maybe 118.

Just tonight on my way home from The Dark Knight, I saw a multi-car collision including a Silverado. The other car was totalled. I wonder who was at fault? (not really). The damage that is caused by trucks is unnecessary. Lives could be saved.

Trucks are incredibly less fuel efficient than sedans, resulting in more emissions to be discharged per distance travelled. They are loud, diesel exhaust can be very irritating to some, and the arrogance that truck driver's carry truly makes me want to...rant in my blog.


I haven't been driving very long, but I am a huge fans of those out there that can do what they love to do without being dependent on a vehicle. They are costly and they are hazardous when not used cautiously. And even when YOU use caution, it's always gonna be the other guy that get's ya. If you haven't minded not hauling stuff for the past few years, maybe you can hold off and not get that truck and count on someone else to haul your stuff for a few more years. Just a concept.

July 6, 2008

It's What You Do With It! - Part 3

Part 3: Matters of The Heart

What I've noticed is that when people are "in love" or in a relationship or even are just casually dating, they tend to spend a hell of a lot less time doing things they normally would. For example, blogging becomes virtually extinct. Who cares about getting your opinion out there because at the very least, you have that significant other to rant or rave or even just talk to about what's on your mind. (Or you just fuck, cuz apparently those relationships work well too, to some extent). The other things that tend to become less frequent are your phone calls to buddies, visits to grandmas (see Part 2), watching less late night tv, and finding more appropriate pictures n' stuff to google on the interweb. You might even excercise or eat healthier (at least until they realize that they're partner is getting fat ---- WHAT?!?!?! jk.

Fine and dandy.

So I suppose the only real issue I have with this (besides points addressed in p.2) is that there is no way in hell that a couple can absolutely know for sure that they are with the right person til death does them part by the age of 21 or 22. I have a friend EVEN OLDER THAN ME! that has been in a whole whack of relationships, and this person at least knows that there is more to life out there then settling for somebody second-rate, just so that they can start building their perfect nuclear family in their perfect suburbian house with their ... blah blah, you get the idea.
That person is willing to wait for that one that will float their boat, and just have fun in the mean time.

I've noticed that Country Kids tend to marry young. "yeeeeep, I'm fah-rum m' daddy's farm n' ah 'm gonna bring me home a perrrdy bride next year to help me raise us some chickens!" K, maybe it's not quite like that. In fact the town of Chauvin, Alberta has recently been proven to show otherwise, according to one of my sources. But otherwise, I would stand by my word and say that farm-folk settle and marry young (If I could only find ME a farmer's daughter! --- YEEEE-HAW!) My reasoning is that some of these kids are sooo eager to get away from their small town trap that they just fall in love immediately to some city bloak (or girl) and bear children.

Similarly, Good Little Catholics (like me???) are taught to be true and pure and loyal to one mate (of opposite sex, of course) forever and ever. Recently, I know of 3 couples from the catholic church getting married. Good Catholics are also not supposed to be having the pre-marital sex. By being engrained with such messages from such a young age and then having such a humongous surge of hormones a little later on, it's no wonder that the second that some of these kids find out that "somebody LIKES me" that they are more than willing to make sacrifices, settle for anything, in order to be with that 1 person. No sex for you with anyone else. Ever. Or else if you do, I forget which of Dante's Realms of Hell you end up in, but none seem too inviting.

Some people struggle with the thought of being alone. Some people even fear the idea of it. Sure, I can buy that, but gosh: Get A Room Mate! Unless you are soooo incapable of satisfying those carnal desires, might I reccomend a friend with benefits? But don't fear being alone forever, because, I - being the romantic pisces that I am, believe that there is someone for everyone (except those REAL WEIRDOS obviously, haha). True love waits, according to radiohead anyways.

So yes. Being in 2 or 3 relationships between your late teens and early 20s then fearing to ever move on to a new chapter of your life, to me, is selling out. You are sold into a false belief that you will be the happiest you could be - there is no better match for you anywhere in the world. You've already got a comfortable (mundane) life of normalcy, repitition, mortgage payments, maybe a cat to feed or a lawn to mow. You are stable.

But before you get tooooo stable, know that risk can lead to incredible things, especially when it is your heart that is allowing you to go out and take these risks. The brain is only capable of doing so much!!

July 2, 2008

Home Sweet Home

After a 6 day vacation in Orange County where surf bumbs, Disney-kids, preppie glamour models/ inheritence teenagers, Queen Latifah, so many bands, and even some regular every-day workin' joes call home, I finally had to return home to the reality called mdot.

My 1st few hours at home included hearing about prison riots (caused by gang members being kept penned up in +30C temperatures in super-saturated quarters, maybe?), a chemical burn to a 4-year-old at a playground caused by someone allegedly pouring drano down the slide, a dead call girl found on the Edmonton Southside with charges pending to a 24-year-old including 1st degree murder + causing a disrespect to human remains...

it goes on...

in Canada, one of the most prestigious awards to receive is the Order of Canada. This Canada Day, our government felt it was time to recognize baby-killers. Despite one's postition on abortion, and given the fact that Henry Morgenthaler has truly done a lot for women that get into an icky situation (through no fault of there own in many cases), I think there still must be other less controversial people out there that are equally deserving of that award. Maybe that scientist that helped Al Gore with some of his research on the polar ice caps or something.

I come home and watch my neighbor's kids playing in the yard - i think these must be kids #4 and #5 or #5 and #6. Surely, it can't be easy spending most of your monthly cheque from the Metis Society to help by some clothes and toys for that many kids. Especially if your oldest is 13 and you are about 29. But there are ways to get it done. The kids are happy, pretty healthy as far as I can tell. And with sooo many taxpayers' dollars at work for these exact sort of programs, why do we still think that this Morgenthaler dude really has done so much good??!

In short, last year's trip to nyc and this summer's trip to the oc allowed me to escape from my reality in the only home I've ever known. I know things are bad in the states. Things are bad sooo many places around the world! But to run away and hide (to Halifax? to Disneyland? to Switzerland or Australia?) doesn't really seem to be the answer. Yet escaping from a place that is spiralling out of control just seems so necessary sometimes! I feel like that besides 1 family connection, there is really nothing to keep me here at all. But if not here, then where? If not now, then when?

I miss Splash Mountain.