December 28, 2010

Chapter 52.1: 2008 - A Year in Review and a Few Thoughts About My Future

Sure, this blog is 2 years late, but I say: "Let It Be Written" nevertheless. After all, not tooo many of my thoughts about life have changed since then. Just the bad thoughts might have got a little bit better and my good thoughts have probably been a little bit tainted.

Maktub. It has been written. Destiny. Just follow the path & pay attention to the omens. I recently read The Alchemist by Paul Coelho. I read it at a somewhat significant time in my life as I was nearing the end of my degree and finally ready to get my life going - complete with living it with my own ideals and convictions that I felt are most important to me in this world. So in late 2008 I was asking myself where I really wanted to see my future heading. What do I want to accomplish in life, what do I really want to do for a living etc.

I considered the things I might like to do: go back to school for a MSc or MEng, travel the globe, settle on the east coast where life has a slower pace, or flee to BC where good environmental jobs might be more readily available? I am pretty certain I will never work in Fort MacMurray. If I was to ever venture that direction it would likely be to cause a slowdown of development until the world came to realize what a more appropriate way to energize this world might be. Then there is Water Treatment. It would be terrific to get that same gig that I had while I was in school. I did so many amazing things! Not to mention those few weeks when I got to work with the most amazing brunette ever. Then again, the privatization of the world's water is something that I strongly disagree with as water is the one resource that needs to be made readily available for everyone. But for the salaries that the private sector offers? Sign me up, please! I can be bought. After all, there are much worse humungous multi-national corporations out there that are simply at the mercy of the stockholder and would sell their own mothers for the interest of making another dollar without the blink of an eye.

Oh, speaking of "mother", what role does family have to play in all this? Did the values your parents raised you with rub off so that you make the same conscientious decisions that they have made? Is it okay to abandon your family that you have been with all your life for the sake of wishing to start your own life in, say, New Zealand or Scotland or Brazil? A fresh start sounds intriguing. But what about reasonable? I wish I wasn't so reasonable...

Do I really want to work for a government that I don't believe in? I don't want to be just some stooge that can be easily bought, and go to work for the rest of my life working for "the man". The idea of it just never sounded appealing. And that goes for any level of government too. I would probably feel different if I believed in some of the policies of the Alberta or Canadian conservative parties, or if the city council would have the balls to make some decisions that would actually have an impact on the perception of Edmonton (this cold desolate wasteland). But no. Noone does fuck all. And for that reason, I don't really want to be a pawn playing the part in it. True. It is possible that I could play the "mole" in any one of these bureaucracies and work towards their eventual, inevitable downfall. But I don't think I am quite that jaded. Yet. Ask me again in 2010.

As an engineer, I want to truly work for the good of the people. Not for the good of the economy or the good of the state. Fuck that. The masses of humanity do not always have to suffer. Dr. Graffin was wrong. But he was a kid when he wrote that, so we will forgive him. But you would think that if a guy had at least some idea of what he might be interested in doing in his life, then opportunities might present themselves, as long as they heed the message conveyed in Coelho's book. I am trying to follow the omens and all that philosophical whimsy, and I do understand that having to really - i mean really - work towards something develops character. (God knows I am not enough of a character already). So either I have totally missed the boat on this one, or the answer I am seeking is right in front of my eyes and I am just not seeing it, or else I am just not working hard enough to get what I want out of this world...

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