January 26, 2013

Too Late, No Friends

Do you want to be my friend? I swear I will be a good friend. I will return texts right away, I will let you know when your favourite gin goes on sale, I will pick up your mail when you are on vacation, I will not sleep with your wife when you are working on the road, I will send you the latest new music you know I know you want to hear, I will ask you your thoughts on war and peace. I will resist encouraging you to break up with your boyfriend, I will share my phone charger when we are on a road trip as long as you let me have veto power over the music you try to play. Deal? Please? Please?

 Too Late. Time's Up. No friends. Your future is now and there is nobody here. It's all been established and what you hoped for will never ever be. Mundane, mediocre, complacent and lame. This is your life now. But you're married though, right? Obviously... Not. Just because your life is over doesn't mean your married. Just because you have no friends doesn't mean your life's over! And if, by the off-chance, you are married, it doesn't mean that you can't have friends. But if you in fact ARE married, maybe the friends you sleep with will be the one your wife or husband knows about. They say the best marriages are really just healthy open friendships.  And with the legalization of gay marriage, open marriages are even more commonplace (at least once a week, anyways). If you are married and are not sleeping with your friends, then I hope you are using protection and are understanding the repercussions of solicitation for all persons involved. Friendships that are not open often fail. Marriages between 2 happy (heterosexual?) friends can still prove to last the test of time. As long as you can trust your best friend and eachother's mutual friends to live the life together that each of you had vowed to live.

Who are your friends? Are they your big brother's friends? Are they your bros from your high school football team 10 years ago? Are they your weed dealer? Are they only people who are as edumacated as you? Maybe you and your friend shared experiences together years ago that some people might deem shameful. Maybe you and your friends all agreed to dislike the same room mate in college. Maybe they are your co-workers? Your superiors? Your juniors hate you, just so you know. If your friends aren't your little sister's friends that you really are just hoping to score with some day, then who else does that leave? Grandparents offer wisdom and money. Uncles are pervy or drunkards. Your aunt smoked too much dope in the 70's to be much more good than a couch to crash on. Her kids are all half your age and live with their dad in Tennessee. The parents: the disciplinarians. Your friends are imaginary? Pump up the RISPERDAL. Your friends are electronic? You recognize them by the pace of their keystroke returns. Their status updates, their taste in music, and "where they been". There is no need to hear their voice. No need for a cell with a mic or earpiece. It might really quiet things in this world down. Just a constant but soft hummmmmmmmmmmm of electonics charging. everywhere.     

Living life is not easy. "It's as easy as you make it", you say? If you say so. Be like Nike and Just Do It, right? Be like Lance and Live STRONG, eh? OK. United we are strong, this much is true. But finding the capacity to unite with like-minded individuals is another task in this world that takes 2 things: commitment and the willingness to see the good in other people. Finding the time to commit to, well, finding a friend is hard enough. What if you don't drink? Go to the dog park. Must Love Dogs was a movie for middle-aged women 10 years ago... I think. Go to the library? Lots of cute nerdy chicks at the library... so I hear. WAIT!!!! This post isn't about meeting girls!!! It's about  having a friend. It's about not being ALONE in this world and about knowing that someone has your back. Devotion to brotherhood. It's in all your 90's hardcore punk rock collection if this is still not sinking in.  Once committed, a guy's gotta find a way to supplement this symbiotic friendship. He needs to be able to AFFORD to have a social life, let alone have a romantic social life with the girl of his dreams! He needs to be able to afford beers and gas and tickets for things and beers and time away from whatever else might be preventing him from earning him an AFFORDABLE social/romantic life!!!

And until then, the guy abandons his expectations of having more from life.

How 'bout that second thing? "The willingness to see the good in other people". Kinda important. The key, I think, is to know and embrace the fact that we are alllllll hypocrites and we can only aspire to understand that "we were not put on this earth to subjugate or serve". It is true that there is a concession that judging others' lifestyles is not a socially accepted behaviour. Religious differences alone can be an incredibly divisive factor in how we choose our friends. Maybe we won't befriend somebody because of what they eat, drive, or style their hair. Maybe we secretly deem their lavish lifestyle inappropriate for their credit rating, assets, educational background,  earning potential, or motivation. Maybe the most bigoted inexcusable stereotype judgement of a "kind of person" not only extinguishes any potential of gaining a special friend, but also adds to the hatred and ugliness that is so widespread throughout the world today thanks to ... the way the world is today.

Personally, I don't think it's TOO LATE FOR FRIENDS like the Gob and Daggermouth album/song allude to. But let it be said that outside of the limited commitments I do have in my life, I can only hope that opportunity will present itself for me to be able to commit to building friendships. Heaven knows that I have truly met some incredible people through my last few jobs, my extensive degree, my hobbies, and interests and it would be terrific to be able to (at the very least) maintain those relationships through a means more substantial than facebook or e-mail. But let it be said as well that if a guy didn't have the family, girlfriend, career, or friends (in whatever capacity) holding him where he is, maybe all those things can be found someplace else in this world.

So, so long for now, friends! And thanks for wasting your time here!.

(some I only see on computer screens)
ch. 125

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