August 14, 2011

A D-gree in Intimacy

Or rather:

A Degree of  Intimacy.

Degrees are funny things. They are temperatures,  angles, papers on the wall. They are also distances spread between people or things. i.e. the 6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon. It would be a pretty damn' sweet accomplishment to get a Degree in Intimacy though. Maybe even get on the Dean's List (ooooh, you naughty little....!) But in reality, the only recognition a person will ever get with respect to "Intimate Acclaim" is by practical... practice.  Word of mouth? Mouth of passion? Passion with no end.

Where is a person to ever even begin "earning" this kind of accreditation? Highs chool. Over the teenager's  3 year stint, it's not uncommon to get pretty familiar with the one of the simplest shapes of all: conjoined triangles.  Or diamonds.
The baseball diamond paradigm of "running the bases" works well for both socially inept engineers-in-the-making and meatheaded-surferboy jocks who are daring to stage their way through the endless exploration of "who they are" during their highschool years. And I think the linearity of the bases analogy works especially well for ~17 year old's because mostly everyone's  lack of experience in intimacy creates a generally level playing field.  It is only normal to expect a linear progression in a relationship as it proceeds from base... to base... to... POP FLY YOUR OUT!!!! Pop your fly open? Nope, the 1st one.

 Without going into the seminal details of each & every "base" (in which I was recently/finally straightened out about), I maintain that going through these steps still remains the best way of developing degrees of intimacy in a relationship. The real trick though is - I think - timing.      Rather than simply expecting to get the Grand Slam by the 2nd date or making a Triple Play maybe 3 months into the relationship, I think it is crucial to progress together at a pace that is comfortable for both (or more?) people carrying on with it.  THAT SAID:  Be more afraid of taking things way too slow than way too fast if you like the person.  And for the love of god, don't miss out on any openings where you might get a chance to steal a base - that is - until your partner cries "FOUL!" And hopefully if that happens, she's not referring to the smell of your balls.

There are so many sexual expectations nowadays. From Cosmo's sexy "how to's" available at every grocery store checkout counter to some of the darkest corners of the internet (no link provided) - it's a wonder how somebody can ever satisfy anybody! Me? I just keep an open mind and try not to look overly-desperate for it.

It's true - intimacy is much more than just sex. The ability to be with that special someone and give yourself up to them completely, to hold them in your eyes with complete vulnerability and to be able to provide them with a sense of wholeness and security is how the truest, most sincere degrees in intimacy are bridged. When that person you're with is at the stage where they are ready to give much of the same right back - you might be able to call it love. But mostly, keep in mind, that I don't have a CLUE what I'm talking about.

Stereotypes. Catholic girls. Hockey jocks. Women with short hair in engineering. Black guys. Punks, injins, gypsies, and thieves. All are bad. Everyone is unique with their own kinks and perversions. You never can know what to expect from any one person (or 2 people, if you are lucky that way).  The most innocent looking 24 year old sweetheart school teacher that lives in the apartment across from you might be submitting her very own sex tape c/w yardstick and plaid skirt for a chance to win SOME BIG TIME MONEY!  And the friendly shop owner down the street may be participating in some form of honour killing for the disgrace that his daughter brought to his family by running off with a white guy. It's all just a big gongshow. So try not to judge. If you can help it. Worry about your own life. And maybe not even about how or when your PANTS are coming off next, but maybe perhaps when the next time that you will see that special someone that fills the hole in your soul. 

Now let's go play some ball.

A final note on intimacy:

Keep it private, keep it exciting, keep it classy, keep it clean. But if you get a little raunchy sometimes - DON'T TELL ANYONE. Or else, film it and let me know that you did.   Don't be afraid to swing more than once, or from a different position. And when you get that out-of-the-park home run, run the bases sssllloooowllyyy. Tenderly. An inch at a time. Grounders are a different story.

I am pretty good at striking out.

chapter 99.

and remember:

August 3, 2011

and Even if it's Easy to Be Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...!

...what's YOUR definition of freedom, anyways?

and who the FUCK are you?
                                                 who the fuck are they? who the fuck am I to say?

what the fuck is really going on...

Trapped. Incapacitated. No future. These are some of the overwhelmingly harsh and often unbearable sensations that a person may experience when their freedom is stripped away from them. And really - in a place like Canada especially - it would be nice if a person need not worry about his or her freedom being taken from them. But then again, freedom is more than just the rights you are granted as a human being under political legislation or societal expectation. Even if the country you are in is as "free" as Canada. 

A person cannot truly be free unless there is a total elimination of desire. To feel complete by just being able to feel - no need for external stimulation of any sort. The trick is to realize that this elimination of desire does not require the acquisition of everything on your wish list. But rather, striving for an understanding of your place in this world with all of your potential and (god-given) attributes, and understanding how they can be utilized for the greatest good in your time on this planet. This will be the key towards finding an inner peace that will take you to a place that is "free" - at least in the ways that matter the most.   

To get to the level of having "desire" eliminated from your life, a person has to have a pretty firm grasp on the idea that "Freedom Is The Recognition of Necessity".  This was one of Garrett Hardin's more significant premises in his 1968 publication The Tragedy of the Commons.  In the end, a lot of it comes down to greed & temperence. A person's sense of entitlement or willingness to pillage and destroy and give nothing back in any way, shape, or form. Modern day pirateering.

I want to smash it up for all the workers who spent hours -
 all for nothing!

"Unless the workers are truly free, the machine will be prevented from working at all!" Mario Savio had the right idea. There's always going to be the potential for progress - but at what costs? Freedom for the workers. Yikes. What an overwhelming concept in a world of 7 billion people. Who work to thrive, work to survive. Who work for the "man", whose sole purpose is to exploit whatever resources are at his disposal. What fraction of this 7 Billion are satisfied with their "freedoms" I wonder?  I suppose it may depend on the worker's mental/emotional well-being, or else his or her (understandable) apathetic attitudes about what can be reasonably expected out of a hard fucking life (proportionately speaking - across the globe, that is).  

Freedom from Vices 

2011 has a hell of a lot of rules to follow. There are also a lot of expectations out there for each of us. This all round pressure results in people falling into one form of vice or another. Regardless of the society's view of the severity of whichever iniquity, seeking out reprieve for their actions that they wish they would like to convince themself that they aren't:

disgusting, disgraceful, shameful, greedy, selfish, arrogant, or just a plain jerk.

But if a person has the temperament to overcome the temptation of various transgressions (god, there's alot of them out there), then maybe he or she has half a hope in hell of getting to that state of inner calm and collectiveness... freedom. 

Drinking is one of the most common and accepted forms of finding freedom. This usually ends badly, especially when done in excess and increasing amounts as a person passes through their 20s, 30s, and onwards. In some instances it ends in pregnancies, abortions, and others it ends in unloved children or vehicular motor deaths. Not a good situation.

It would really be so great to be free from driving altogether. As enjoyable it is BLASTING THE STEREO and singing along sometimes, the regular everyday commute is no kind of life. Imagine it: without the regular commute, you would be free from all the rude, ignorant, distracted drivers (who reeealllly needs to use their cellphone before 7:30 in the morning?!) You would be free from "carbon guilt" and gas guzzling money burning $30 or $40 or $60 fills. Free from maintenance bills, insurance & registration costs; free from the threat of being a KILLER - whether the victim is a skunk, dog, or child. Freedom from Asphalt Nation thereby re-enforcing the "necessity" of Urban Sprawl. Freedom from the need to "keep up with the Jones's by having an expensive (affordable?), shiny new automobile.  - like the out-of-this-world excitement that comes with WINNING A CAR! on The Price Is Right. Free from the pressure of attracting a member of the opposite sex with your sleek new wheels. Freedom from ever increasing road rage, and Freedom from risk of driving over the cliff in your exhausted, over-worked state.

I prefer biking. I haven't done it so much over the past 10 years as I have done over the past 6 months. And even though I haven't had much opportunity to get wasted (in my next search to become more free) then ride home, I am still looking forward to that day. At least then, I can be more confident that I will be free from police scrutiny and will not be a hazard to others on the road. (note to self: keep to the sidewalks when drunk on a bike).

If a person isn't driving, then really there is not much reason to carry around their ID either. Freedom from wallets. Sure, a couple of twenties, (fives), rolled up and stuffed into the jean pocket might be necessary, but no more protruding bulk from the rear left butt cheek, please.

And while we're at it? You guessed it: cellphones. She's never going to text you back anyways, so just get over it already!  The constant demand for instantaneous communication from somebody, anybody is achieving brand new heights. This comes back again to a person's sense of self-worth and mental stability, and he or she not requiring any form of immediate gratification via their mobile device.  Just Toss It Into The Canal! You'll feel a lot better afterwards - that is, if you don't dive in head first after it.

Following along this whole technology theme, it would be really quite something if we could declare our freedom from machines! Computers. Eeuuwwwyyyyy - What A Headache! What a draw on the system and the electrical grid. I'd like to think that computer users would have better eyeball health if we reduce the number of hours that we allow bright LCD crystals burn into the backs of our retinas. I don't remember all that many 5 and 6 year olds with glasses 20 years ago.Today alone I have spent more than 8 hours on the computer. And believe it or not, I have been using it with only good intent! Really though - like I said before - I'd rather be riding my bike.  I wish I could just. sign. off...

Forfeiting Freedom For Further Feasibly Favourable Fortune
Freedom cannot be achieved without risk.  And some of the riskiest choices that a person will have to make in their life comes back to the degree they want to commit to something and the amount of responsibility that they assume for "the things that matter most". It's so easy to go by the mentality "Saving the World's Great - But I've Gotta Save Myself FIRST!" But there is a definite reward for seeing things through til the end. For taking those extra measures to ensure that those closes to you are being well taken care of. It's Not All About You!  If you are successful at sacrificing yourself even a little bit, you can be certain that the rewards of this "limited freedom" can be exchanged for unlimited happiness. Admittedly, committing to something can be difficult.   Seeing things through to the end - whether it be finishing a 1000 page book, realizing your career potential, or building a relationship with a significant other - these things may all tear into your perceived freedoms, but are also considerable accomplishments. And you can bet your balls that you will be getting a little somethin' spectacular gained from something significant ventured. 

All that I know for sure though is 

I am far from free.

chapter 87.