August 14, 2011

A D-gree in Intimacy

Or rather:

A Degree of  Intimacy.

Degrees are funny things. They are temperatures,  angles, papers on the wall. They are also distances spread between people or things. i.e. the 6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon. It would be a pretty damn' sweet accomplishment to get a Degree in Intimacy though. Maybe even get on the Dean's List (ooooh, you naughty little....!) But in reality, the only recognition a person will ever get with respect to "Intimate Acclaim" is by practical... practice.  Word of mouth? Mouth of passion? Passion with no end.

Where is a person to ever even begin "earning" this kind of accreditation? Highs chool. Over the teenager's  3 year stint, it's not uncommon to get pretty familiar with the one of the simplest shapes of all: conjoined triangles.  Or diamonds.
The baseball diamond paradigm of "running the bases" works well for both socially inept engineers-in-the-making and meatheaded-surferboy jocks who are daring to stage their way through the endless exploration of "who they are" during their highschool years. And I think the linearity of the bases analogy works especially well for ~17 year old's because mostly everyone's  lack of experience in intimacy creates a generally level playing field.  It is only normal to expect a linear progression in a relationship as it proceeds from base... to base... to... POP FLY YOUR OUT!!!! Pop your fly open? Nope, the 1st one.

 Without going into the seminal details of each & every "base" (in which I was recently/finally straightened out about), I maintain that going through these steps still remains the best way of developing degrees of intimacy in a relationship. The real trick though is - I think - timing.      Rather than simply expecting to get the Grand Slam by the 2nd date or making a Triple Play maybe 3 months into the relationship, I think it is crucial to progress together at a pace that is comfortable for both (or more?) people carrying on with it.  THAT SAID:  Be more afraid of taking things way too slow than way too fast if you like the person.  And for the love of god, don't miss out on any openings where you might get a chance to steal a base - that is - until your partner cries "FOUL!" And hopefully if that happens, she's not referring to the smell of your balls.

There are so many sexual expectations nowadays. From Cosmo's sexy "how to's" available at every grocery store checkout counter to some of the darkest corners of the internet (no link provided) - it's a wonder how somebody can ever satisfy anybody! Me? I just keep an open mind and try not to look overly-desperate for it.

It's true - intimacy is much more than just sex. The ability to be with that special someone and give yourself up to them completely, to hold them in your eyes with complete vulnerability and to be able to provide them with a sense of wholeness and security is how the truest, most sincere degrees in intimacy are bridged. When that person you're with is at the stage where they are ready to give much of the same right back - you might be able to call it love. But mostly, keep in mind, that I don't have a CLUE what I'm talking about.

Stereotypes. Catholic girls. Hockey jocks. Women with short hair in engineering. Black guys. Punks, injins, gypsies, and thieves. All are bad. Everyone is unique with their own kinks and perversions. You never can know what to expect from any one person (or 2 people, if you are lucky that way).  The most innocent looking 24 year old sweetheart school teacher that lives in the apartment across from you might be submitting her very own sex tape c/w yardstick and plaid skirt for a chance to win SOME BIG TIME MONEY!  And the friendly shop owner down the street may be participating in some form of honour killing for the disgrace that his daughter brought to his family by running off with a white guy. It's all just a big gongshow. So try not to judge. If you can help it. Worry about your own life. And maybe not even about how or when your PANTS are coming off next, but maybe perhaps when the next time that you will see that special someone that fills the hole in your soul. 

Now let's go play some ball.

A final note on intimacy:

Keep it private, keep it exciting, keep it classy, keep it clean. But if you get a little raunchy sometimes - DON'T TELL ANYONE. Or else, film it and let me know that you did.   Don't be afraid to swing more than once, or from a different position. And when you get that out-of-the-park home run, run the bases sssllloooowllyyy. Tenderly. An inch at a time. Grounders are a different story.

I am pretty good at striking out.

chapter 99.

and remember:

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