May 19, 2008

I, Remnant

Life is filled with winners and losers. Stars and and bumbs. Champions, over-exceeders do-gooders and philanthropists. Meth addicts, urban poor, minority groups, alcoholics, single mothers on welfare. There are church-goers, faith-believers, blood donors, and child sponsors. There are criminals, users and abusers. There are the handicapped. Bow-legged, cerebral palsy, amputeed, endless migraine, ADHD, wheel-chair confined AISH receivers. There are vetererans of wars and survivors of attacks. There are heroes and back-stabbers. There are the friends you will never lose and there are the friends that never really were. There are unmotivated uneducated unskilled apathetic take-it-for-granted day-by-dayers and rocket scientists attending MIT at 16. There are cool indy kids with beards and plastic-framed glasses and suicidal depressed emo kids that got sexually abused through their adolescence. There are punks and there are hippies. There are liberals and conservatives, roughnecks and environmentalists.

There's me.

I'm nothing too special. I am society's product: a result of suburban community-friendly catholic school system, multiculturally integrated with a post secondary education and a typical family life. (Some may argue that, haha). Anyways, it's stupidly normal as far as I am concerned.

Then, I ask you - why is it soooo hard? Sometimes it's just impossible to not dream of anywhere but here. I love here. Here is my home. But if home is wear the heart is, and my heart is aching so often, then maybe there might be a better place? Movin' to a Small Town is a pretty great idea as suggested by Steve Fox. Canada's East Coast was amazing, but so was The OC. New York is ... well certainly not here. But then if I moved, no... whyte ave? WEM? Starlight Room? No family?

Sometimes I wonder why some kids are left to fall through the cracks. Why do The "A Kids" (jocks and preps) as I referred to them as back through middle & highschool) bully, ignore, or hold up their noses over the rest of the "B and C kids". Privelged white folk? Who are you?! Where's the humility??

Some of these kids from highschool have even left punk rock in the dust to become fans of the much classier & technical genre of metal music. 'Cause a band called Dark Tranquility is obviously sooo much classier than a band called Guttermouth.

The different classes of society ERKS me. I know it's there. It makes me nuts. I mean, the U of A doesn't pump out 5 or 6 hundred engineers every year without some degree of arrogance in each of its grads as a result of the investment each of them put in to becoming something more. But why can't more of these kids be more down to earth? Coming from a blue-collar home, I think I can better relate to how the majority of people view our small & unique group of geers. I can see this also every Friday night when I work in a lumber yard next to 20 year old highschool dropouts and 50 year old pot-head burnouts. Not all geers will view themselves as in a more supreme class than non professionals, but when it comes to paying the $10K annual membership to the Royal Glenora Club, I am sure that there will be more professionals than plumbers registering.

I call myself a remnant because of being in the situation of having a degree but such an atypical view from most of my peers. Call me wierd? Well, it's not like it hasn't been done before. All I ask for is someone to be there for me. To disagree with me, yell at me, prove my unconventional ideas of lifestyles to be BS and lead me to believe there is much more to life than what I am seeing right now. I thought I found that person, and then that person will disappear for days, weeks on end and I won't even hear a peep. The problem with us remnants (or is it remni?), I think, is that we have sooo much humility that we fail to see that we in fact might be a pretty decent catch for someone that we can truly see ourselves with maybe as much as years into the future. A similar situation was recently conveyed by the geek on that Big Bang Theory sit-com who was on the verge of changing the very essence of who he is in order to become a more attractive catch for her. As it turns out, though, he kept his time machine rather than having the balls to tell her how he felt. For now, I'm just waiting for that day when I can say The Hell with My Time Machine - You Are My Future.

"There are homeless people everywhere.
This homeless guy asked me for money the other day.
I was about to give it to him and then I thought he was going to use it on drugs or alcohol.
And then I thought, that's what I'm going to use it on."

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