May 19, 2010

It takes two... doesn't it?

Chapter 57

It doesn't take much to get a reaction from most people by saying ludicrous or blasphemous or just plain stupid crap. And a guy can really earn himself a reputation by using his big yap in a repetitive fashion such that people really start to think: "Is this guy for real?!" With borderline common sense and a sliver of "knowing your audience", I find that I can really get away with saying some pretty wild stuff while still staying out of trouble. So when it comes to talking to members of the opposite sex who may not know me very well, I have to try & push the envelope a bit while taking care to not push things too TOO far. Especially early on.

But some girls are just so damn' difficult to talk to. You can be within 2m of them and feel the sexual tension between the two of you. And that's usually when your voice becomes completely stifled and lips totally parched. Blame the hot dry Alberta air if you want, but between the two of you, you both know that only relative humidity that matters is the relative humidity IN YOUR PANTS! (haha, made myself laugh)

It's pretty tough in asking out a girl. Especially when you happen to know that she is more likely than not way out of your league. But it still is just one of those things that just has to get done. And a guy has got to be careful or he may very well end up as "Just Friends" - and what guy really wants that?! Then again, some of the best long-term relationships - Hell, I'll say it: Marriages - are more likely to last when a deeper respect and friendship is in place between both parties from a very early stage.

Some girls that a guy asks out will turn out to be prissy conceited beotches. This is their shield. The shield that my confident charm and charismatic character help to penetrate.


So what a guy really must figure out is whether the persistence, endurance, relentlessness, and (false) hope he is investing in will be worth it in the long run. Finding something more than just platonic respect in a companion. Keep on keeping on. Fool, give UP already! How long can a guy really cling on to a glimmer of a hope after all? And what if he invests in a significant amount of time persisting, enduring, provoking - all to just find out that she's, say, more into girls in the end! Bummer dude. Call it: character development.

I think what it comes down to in the end is The Height of the Bar, degree of intrigue she may offer, and to a lesser extent: alcohol tolerance. It would be nice if I had a clue in hell as to whether any of the investments made (quick-witted conversations, flattery, shaving) pay off at a much earlier time. Rather than finding out that she is seeing someone or is just exceptionally career-minded & has no time to waste on relationships/me. priorities, right? I think I might have dwelled on "priorities" once or twice through this blog of mine... Also, initiation is key. Wouldn't it be nice if she took the initiative? This seldom happens. And when it does, the guy is usually so incredibly thick the he doesn't even realize it whatsoever. Explicit Provoking. That is really the only answer. Thank you "facebook pokes" for opening up a whole new gateway of possibilities, as unseemly as they might be. So if the lack of initiative on her part is just a matter of the guy opening up his eyes and realizing what's happening - that's one thing! But if the impenetrable shield she has in place simply for the fact that she can't stand him (or her bar's set Just That Much Higher), well - that's another thing completely.

Scarlett Johannson is pretty.


This blog is about having more than one person willing to invest in and build towards a more meaningful relationship, rather than just having the guy torment himself with aggravating relentless attempts at having a shot with someone he has no business having a shot with. That Said. I am going to try to say something that doesn't sound overly sensitive (for the Pisces I am) or overly critical of my friends or the Institution of the Roman Catholic Church.

All good Catholics, I would have thought, would be much more welcoming to non-Catholics than I ever saw growing up. Once an outsider, always an outsider. Unless you baptize, confirm, and go to church every Sunday? No thanks. But truly, there was a minuscule amount of inclusion through this institution. As above, it takes two parties to be willing to show an interest in each other if any sort of relationship is going to have a shot. The lack of willingness of the church and its followers to embrace - heck, even save a lost soul is a little bit underwhelming.

And further yet, as friends grow apart with time and distance, it is really very easy to go from changing your thinking to that friend being "someone you used to know". That's why I find it funny that more/better attempts aren't made - even between friends - to keep in touch about any goings-on that the other might find interesting. Way to go, pal! Ya know, I would have liked to go to that strip club with you guys, too!

Old Blogs Semi-Related:

May 1, 2010

5 Simple Rules for Writing A Propagandhi Song (and becoming at least mildly successful).

1 - First and foremost, be sure to have excessive (but always appropriate) use of the F-word throughout each of the songs, even if it is at the end of the song and there is nothing left to do but just add a loud unadulterated and raw "F&#$!!!!".

2 - A healthy dose of satire is essential to a successful Propagandhi song. Denouncing anything corporate or industrial with plenty of ridicule and judgment is always a good bet.

3 - Try to come across as a passionate humanitarian that really "gets it" by writing songs that speak to local, regional, national, and international issues. Re-enforce this Global Citizen persona by listing non-fiction books about genocide or planetary destruction on your website and album sleeves, along with lists of web addresses for the wee teenies to check out with their newest i-phones. A few dystopian quotes from famous dead people may also help your cause. Better yet? Incorporate these quotes right into your songs.

4 - Come up with a reason (as reasonable as this reason may very well be) to become an expatriot. Re-think today's Canadian Values (of greed and pirateering) and compare them to values in other countries around the world. After a brief glimpse at this website I can tell you that the things on Canadians minds most of the times these days are sex-related, and although sex-related crimes and topics are totally heinous, remember that these problems are stemmed from a much deeper roots in the ways that we are raising our children and conforming to so much of the pop-culture bullshit that bombards us everywhere we go.

Canadians need to get a better idea of what there is to be so "nationalist" about, aside from the Winter Olympics, and a national sport where over-paid dumb jocks spend half of their season playing for 1 of 24 American-Based teams in their home arenas, while the 6 remaining Canadian teams spend any of their "off time" golfing in Phoenix or holidaying in Barcelona (when you miss playoffs especially). Aside from sport? I guess we have Celine Dion. Wait. Isn't she in Vegas? Shania? Switzerland? Bryan Adams?!?! Oh right! Justin Rutledge annnnnnd Propagandhi. Good bands. Hmmm...what else do we have... Healthcare. And the rocky mountains. Some of the Canadian landscape is pretty damn' terrific when we're not busy fucking it up.

5 - Never sell out and keep the songs for the kids and not for the labels to make a killing. So many times a label will tell you what to write and how to write it. Case in point: AFI was on Nitro til 2003 and have had pretty weird albums ever since then. I don't think Propagandhi will ever sell out.

Other Useful Tips For Writing a Propagandhi Song

I - Make sure the title of the song is sufficiently long like these classics:

"War Is Peace, Slavery Is Freedom, May All Your Interventions Be Humanitarian"
"Ordinary People Do Fucked-Up Things When Fucked up Things Become Ordinary"
"Stick the Fucking Flag Up Your Goddamn Ass, You Sonofabitch"

II - Use the words:

misery, love, indifference, poverty, suffering, disparity, repress, devastating, catastrophe, Jesus, church, FUCK, meat, machine, homophobe, capitalist, tragedy, solution.

III - Allow:
  • 5-10% of the song to be filled with incomprehensible rage-filled fits of screaming
  • 10-15% of the song to be filled with mad guitar shredding
  • Allow room to be effing hilarious (not just over-the-top blasphemy/hyperbole/satire) when after all this song may very well reflect real fucking life more than you can ever imagine.

Now, click this and read:

We were all together in the pouring rain!
Solvents being passed around to dull the pain!
The air was choked with the dismal smell!
The reek of sadness and despair!
Minds fucked up beyond repair!

She said she just turned six.
She’s got some good jokes for a kid.
She’s working hard to avoid a woman bleeding from her teeth.
Her life goes on despite the fact
her mom sleeps fucked up on the cement.

She flashed a look, an image burnt into my mind!
I know that sinking feeling all too fucking well!
Shame! Frustration setting in!
Confusion that eats us inside out.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me!
I don’t know why she can’t wake up!”
Her life goes on despite the fact
Her mom lays fucked up on the cement.

It’s an ugly fucking world!

the incalculable effects have been calculated to you here today by the one and only:

Ch. 69